I hate to be negative, but I have to vent somewhere. I can't do it in my Hypnobabies group because you have to be a perfect ray of positive fucking sunshine there. And FB feels inappropriate...

::negativity warning!::

I am losing my shit. I can't hang in there much longer. This has got to be the most miserable time I've ever endured. The constant pain and physical disability has me feeling like I'm just over here dying of a terminal illness, with no real end in sight. Rationally, I know that I don't have any more than 3 weeks to go, but that feels like an eternity while suffering like this...and I still need to go to work every fucking day. The worst thing is that there is NO relief from these miseries. All I can do is just lay here in bed and cry...until I have to get up and endure extra pain in doing all the things I need to do and going to work. And while I can't wait to give birth, to get out of this agony, that brings it's own terrible awfulness- fears of something going wrong for the baby, fears of complications, fears of having a newborn to take care of, fears of what my body will be after, fears I won't be able to keep up with baby and career, fears about finances, fears my husband is going to suck and not be helpful enough, etc.

I feel like I'm sucked down deep into a pit of negativity and I got here from having my spirit worn down by pain, like someone being broken with torture into giving up information to the enemy. ...and no one can tell me anything that will help. There just isn't anything that will help. I just have to wait and try not to lose my mind completely 😢