How can ya miss someone so much but hate them just as much at the same time for everything they have…

How can ya miss someone so much but hate them just as much at the same time for everything they have put you through cos off their mental health problems but still choose to accuse you off things and genuinely believe what they have in their head about you ughhh heads fried hate having emotions wish I was emotionless and not feel anything 😟😟😟