Sorry for the long post, today has not been a good day 😩 There's some days I'm happy in my marriage…

Nope. I call bullshit. He’s a sahd. He gets more than enough breaks. He’s being fucking lazy. Put your foot down. Y’all made the decision to do it this way he needs to step up. I’d say this to a mother too. I don’t want to clean the house daily but I do because it’s my job. He sounds like he’s a child from what you’ve been posting. I’d tell him to get his shit together or get a job so you can someone else to watch your baby.

ETA: he’s threatening to leave because he’s trying to manipulate you into letting him behave like this. Pack his ass a bag and tell him to hit the road. Bet his attitude changes real fast.

or make him work and u stay home ?

@bigmama18 That's exactly what I said to him. Because he asked why I came home with an "attitude". So I said because it's a mess in here! And he's like well I'm tired of cleaning I do it every day when's the last time you washed a dish? So I said its literally your job to take care of the baby and the house whens the last time you paid a bill? Oh right, you don't have to because I take care of it all. So I told him if you don't like being a SAHD as much as you thought than get up and get a job. Which he said ok to, and when I asked when he was going to start applying he just said oh I'll be gone tomorrow don't worry. I'm not really worried at all lol everything in this house including the house is mine. I don't mean to sound petty like I bought it, it's mine. But if you don't respect my home enough to help keep it clean you can get out. I'm not paying bills so he can sit on his ass all day, it's not a hotel. I'm just trying to watch what I say on here because I don't want to disrespect SAHM that's not my intention it's just being a SAHM is a full-time job, and I hear what the mom's do on here for their husbands and it's like wow I can't even come home to the dishes washed or anything.

@josefa I don't want to stay home. I have a career that I've worked extremely hard to get and I've spent years working my way up within the company. Not be rude but he has no qualifications to do anything aside from an entry level job. That's not going to come close to paying even a fraction of our expenses. He didn't reup his military contract because he wanted to be a SAHD. I didn't make that decision for him. It just seems like he wants to live here for free and not do anything to help out.

@emily526, oh.. then why does he say that he is leaving? maybe you could talk to him and see if he doesn't want to be a sahd anymore and you could get a nanny with the money he makes by going to work? maybe like that he could contribute a little more and someone would get stuff done

@emily526, coming from someone who doesn't pay for much (hubby does) try not to do the "this is mine and you don't pay for shit" because that can be very hurtful and make us not wanna do a damn thing. He does need to get his shit together but maybe a different approach. You guys are married, you are a team. So try to figure out a solution

He may be depressed as well. When I'm in the dumps I don't do a damn thing around the house. Hoping you guys can find a middle 💙

@josefa Girl I've tried that 🙄 I've sent him full-time jobs to apply to, I've scheduled visits to daycares we went to so we could prepare if he was working full-time. I've sent him part-time jobs as well that wouldn't require a nanny or daycare because of the hours that way he could have his own money and maybe feel better. He hasn't applied to a single one of them. He's just being a child by saying he's leaving. Our families live an hour away, he has no car, his mother and siblings have no car, so idk where he plans on going or how he plans on getting there. I'm sure it's a terrible feeling. I see women post on here sometimes how staying in the house sucks and some of them have no car so they can never leave. I try to be understanding with him but I'm realizing it's nothing but excuses. He doesn't feel bad for not "supporting" his family or not being able to leave the house. He's just lazy.

@ecahanes I agree the "this is mine" view is a wrong one to have. I feel I've tried to discuss everything with him more than enough times and it just feels like he gives me BS day in and day out. I feel for SAHM I really do, I can't relate, but I know it's a hard job and I can't even imagine doing it myself. But I hear what some of these mother's do for their husbands and I honestly feel jealous. When we originally went over expectations I told him I expected some sort of food when I got home, clean dishes, and for everything to be more or less straightened up. I mean I help out around the house too, I cook on weekends, I clean the bathroom, I do our laundry. I try to be as helpful as I can. Idk if me trying to be understanding is just enabling him or if he's depressed like you said or what. I try talking to him all the time, but he can't seem to give me time to actually focus on a conversation.

@emily526, 😞 that sucks.

@emily526, I personally think he's depressed hun. Guys HATE talking about that more then talking about our periods I swear!

I think you are being very reasonable though. There has gotta be something wrong for him to be like this. When did he start staying home? When did he start to stop cleaning?

@ecahanes He started staying home when our daughter was around 6 months about. He was in the military and away for a year. He came home when she was 2 months and then he worked security for 4 months but all different companies, he couldn't seem to find anything he wanted to stick with. He goes in and out of being good at home. He'll go a couple weeks cleaning up and being good and then he gets like this. It seems when I try to talk and things get heating he comes around and starts trying again almost as if he's trying to keep me happy so I won't kick him out. I think he's nervous like the balls in my court kind of because I can kick him out (even though I never would) I think he sees if he left it wouldn't change very much and he feels "unneeded". But I try to make him feel needed because he is! I also try to stress the importance of a SAHD. How it's a difficult job and not everyone can do it and how underappreciated stay at home parents are. And I honestly do that because of the SAHM on here who say they feel underappreciated. That helped me see that I need to appreciate what he's doing (you know when he actually does it). I think women are just so much stronger willed then men. I mean we will go sleep deprived and everything and still get the job done but a man gets a little tired and he has to take a nap. I do envy the fact that some of these working dad's can lean so hard on their women to hold down the fort for them. I feel I really can't lean on him at all for that.

See to me it's depression. This is exactly how I am. I go a couple weeks on point then I have a week where I don't do SHIT. I do work part time but my husband works crazy hours so I do mostly everything around the house. I don't know him obviously but my advice (coming from someone who doesn't know him) he sounds like he could have some depression issues

@ecahanes I wouldn't dismiss depression at all. He did go from really helping support me while he was away with the military. All the money he made came to me and I put it away or paid bills with it etc. So he went from being financially helpful to probably feeling inadequate. I'm curious, is there something your husband could do to help you when you're feeling like that?

Short term- sucked it up cleaned the house up and said "it's ok hun, I know you have had a rough couple days you are a great mom" long term- went to the doctors and I got on medication but I was open to that

@ecahanes Idk if he would be open to going to the Dr, he typically isn't even open to going to his once a year exam lol, but I can just continue stressing that I appreciate the things he does do. I'm just worried if it's not depression I will be enabling him.

@emily526, well try to talk to him about it a lot (depression) my hubby has it and about a year later I finally got him to admit it and go to the doctors. ONE YEAR lol

@ecahanes Omg a whole year! Depression does make sense for him though. I think he regrets not resigning for the military and/or is conflicted because I know he does love being home with our daughter but I also know it's hard because outside people don't understand a man staying home, even his friends jokingly make fun of him for it. I know it does hurt him.

Im a sahm and i manage to maintain order in my home, cook, clean, nurse and do laundry every single day (right now doesnt count cause im healing my incision and hubby doesnt let me up). I call laziness. Its not that difficult to load the dishwasher and press on, or pick up the toys or the trash he himself made. I would be very frustrated too. Im sorry youre dealing with that.

@vvrobinson Thank you for your input. After hearing out the other women who commented I think it may be a mixture of laziness and depression which could be caused by him feeling down about not providing for his family the way he thinks he should.

@emily526 ...my man stays at home with our toddler since he was 5wks old and I went back to work ..he works in the evening s in a restaurant and I'm a Professional Groomer going on 20 yrs this Aug.I make more money than him and have a salary..he gets paid by the hour .We all know NOT many men have patience to stay home..he does laundry,,clean and cook...not my way of cleaning but,he tries..and cooking his version warming something in the oven so yeah I appreciate it..we have been together 17 yrs yeah he always gets entry level jobs...so it's annoying at times it's like pushing another child to want more...I work sat usually 10-12 hrs and at times he won't make dinner Soo I'll bring myself and the kid's something because,my busiest day at work is sat and when I get home he has to be at work shortly after... At time's I wish he had a career and I didn't have to bust my ass at my job I worked all 9month's of my pregnancy and was hi risk also...hate when women make excuses not to work...at times I think my man is depressed by the stuff he says.. Hope thing's get better for you..I have my own car in my name.home in my name also..so yeah at times I'm like I don't need to be with anyone but,my kid's if I feel like the main provider and shit...I know what your saying

@sherrynygirl Thank you for understanding! I'm 4 years older than my husband, and I spent a lot of years working hard to get to where I am today careerwise. There's nothing wrong with being a SAHM but there's also nothing wrong with being a career working mom either. I get upset missing out on time with my daughter. I'm lucky if I even get a half hour with her M-F. Most days I don't see her at all (just weekends). It's hard. But I know it's hard for my husband at home too, and I know it doesn't make it any easier having his family, my family, friends, and strangers look down on him for not financially providing for us. I appreciate all that he does, but with as hard as I work I want us to be pulling the same weight. I've been making suggestions with different jobs he could work, etc. For awhile I was leaving him a list of things to do each day and he was doing awesome with it, sometimes I think he just needs some extra direction. But I'm also like 🙄 no one has to tell me to wash our clothes why am I telling you to wash the dishes.

@emily526 I use to work crazy hrs before my 3 rd son was born tue-sat I work...tues-fri from 9-3 I leave at 7 ish am Miami traffic sucks.and SATs I hate my longest day. your husband was in the military so we know he has a good heart but,,def sounds like he feels like he does enough but,,it's not enough..from what I go thru w/having 3 son's and my man and I'm the only woman here..men need lots of motivation..my oldest and middle son do their own laundry since ,4th grade .my oldest works and goes to college that I have and had to push him ..he cleans his bathroom when I tell him.my middle son is such s help with our toddler and he's on the football team he comes home exhausted...my job is very physical I don't sit on my ass..I am a multi tasker..I groom the amount of 2&3 people ;) I make sure my home is always clean and my car..yeah no one's need to tell us anything my eyes work just fine...

@sherrynygirl I try to find a balance between keeping my husband motivated, but also not making a habit of it. I've known him since we were little so I do know that he's grown up a lot, even though he has more to go. He's only 21, age is no excuse, but it is a factor in some things like the little bursts of immaturity. But hey, I know they had to make their beds everyday and keep everything clean when he was in the Army, so I know he's capable of what I'm asking of him lol. He's in the Reserves now, but that doesn't bring in any money really so I know he feels inadequate. I can't lie with cleaning and everything I've been lazy lately as I've gotten further into my pregnancy. But that's only temporary so I am expecting him to pick up that slack right now. I should just tell him I'm not going to pay for the WiFi if he doesn't clean 😂 no more Xbox for him.

@emily526 hahah no Xbox /no wifi/no cable man up bye bye