Ladies please help me. I recently found out my partner has been watching porn at work behind my…
Ladies please help me.
I recently found out my partner has been watching porn at work behind my back...alot. To the ppl OK with porn, pls don't say anything rude because we both agreed and established a solid agreement that our relationship would consist of ZERO porn and anything of that nature from day 1. He knows how much is hurts me and he even agreed that he thinks it is a form of cheating. I honestly thought he was being honest and to find out that he hasn't been this whole time..hurts me. Especially because he's doing it at work. Like how tf do you even have time?? He tells me it's just porn and that it is just to make u "cum" and that's it. OK. No prob. He denies ever masturbating to it.Bullshit.
Anyway so yesterday I also find out that not only had he been on porn this whole time.. But he has been looking up certain celebrities e.g. "nicki minaj ass" on multiple occasions and some other famous women.. I always knew he was obsessed over nicki but not to the extent that he was doing it behind my back and deleting things plus doing it on the job on a very regular basis.
I said Why? In this case he says it's not because he thinks she's hot. It's because there's something about her that he is interested in but he isn't sure what it is. Her "bad bitch" persona.. Her personality.. How she's a confident woman that knows what she wants.
I don't understand.. First he tells me the porn thing is just "face value" and its just Tits and ass and that's it. Now he's talking about being attracted to another woman because of her personality or whatever.. I know she is a celebrity but why do I suddenly feel like he could do this with a regular person if the occasion ever arose? Like he crossed the face value line. It hurts me because I have never and would never think of another man screen or not.. It's just how I am in relationships.
I call bullshit on him not thinking she's hot if he's looking things up with her name and the word "ass". But anyway.. Im just realy hurt. He says I don't try enough things with him in the bedroom (I admit I am very self conscious after giving birth my body changed and my confidence dropped but hell I do NORMAL things not bend backwards like pornstars do) I said if you turn to porn because I don't try things u want to so u watch other women do those sex acts.. What are celebrities giving u that I'm not? He did not say "NOTHING" he said "I'm not sure hey.. I don't know what it is" then he proceeded to say "I think you're lacking" and I just broke down crying. I had a miscarriage a week ago and right now I'm emotionally crushed..
This is all coming from a guy that always told me he never ever needed to look at another woman because he has me. Im always sexually available when he wants it, even if it's every day I would be down. I have a high sex drive, I give head whenever he wants. I just don't get it.
Please don't be rude I just want honesty opinions.. What do you think it is? He can't possibly love me if he turns to other women because he thinks I am "lacking"? Like I said I am always down for sex and I do mate effort. Can y'all please ask your men what they think about the whole "personality" thing?
I realise that to many people they will deem me as over thinking, paranoid etc.. But I genuinely just want to understand. Please help :(
Preg life·
And just to clarify, yes I understand men appreciate the beauty of another woman. I totally get that and that's fine! But to go behind my back every day at work and fap to porn and other celebrities I just don't get it. He has a loyal woman at home waiting for him to have sex with whenever he wants.. Sigh
Preg life·
I seem to have posted this in the wrong place. Thanks @glamari for redirecting me =)
Update: I found out end of April about his porn use and he promised he wouldn't do it again.. Found out the other day he never stopped and even did it before my d&c operation, during it and after. He does it every day at work too. We just had a talk I asked him why he feels the need to look up other girls all the time and he goes because they're everything you're not.
That just killed me.
Preg life·
I said what's ur obsessin with Nicki Minaj? He also said becsuse she's everything you're not.
Seriously why was he with me if he wasnt happy with who I was and what I look like. I'm just shook.
Janel ·
My man watches porn and so do I and I'm fine with it but if he ever said those things to me I'd think seriously about ending it. I don't really have any insight but I wouldn't try to change who you are for him. If he respected you he could have gently asked for things in the bedroom he wanted to try and helped you get over your insecurities, not tell you you're lacking. That's cold. I'm sorry
Preg life·
@janeljade1985 yeah this is my breaking point. We've been through our share of problems but I cannot overcome this because if he simply isn't happy with me and would rather go out looking for it elsewhere then there is literally no point in staying with him. As much as it hurts I know I will never trust him again. He has changed sooo much over the last few months and I finally see why.
This is why I don't agree to porn in my relationships :( it never ends well and it becomes a problem.
Preg life·
I'm starting to realise so many things. Like why he has suddenly only bothered to have sex with me on weekends and during the week won't even look at me. He keeps leaving the house to get "food" or some other crap when he never use to bother. I remember asking him why he kept leaving soo much it just wasn't like him. How the tight leggings I use to wear use to drive him crazy because of my butt but I wore them the other day he didn't even look once. How he's been telling me to stop hugging and kissing him because it's annoying. How he has been having a very short temper when he is at home with us and always asks when I am going to shower.
Ahhh so much makes sense its funny how that works..
Janel ·
@preglife it doesn't sound like the relationship is worth saving. Porn isn't an issue with us because my partner never fails to make me feel like I'm sexy and his number one. But he also isn't watching it 24/7 and ignoring me and if he were it would definitely become a problem. I remember your story from bb and I've always thought you seemed really sweet. You'll find someone who values you. Wasn't it you whose husband had something wrong with his hand and never told you?
Veemit Chell·
Honestly I at the very least would take a break from him. He should be building you up. If he cant give up that one stupid thing to save your relationship then it's he who is lacking
Preg life·
@janeljade1985 yes that was him hun. Thank you ❤
I don't think I can overcome this tbh.. I know he is just going to continue to lie and he clearly hasn't respected anything I have valued.
I respected everything he did but I didn't get that in return..
I kept venting to him that I'm hurt and all he says is "OK. Are you done now?" doesn't even look me in the face when I cry or am talking. He just doesn't care..
I truly wonder if he will ever realise what he had at home.
Preg life·
@veemitchell thank you hun. I am leaving him.. There's way more I could type that has made my decision. I just cant do this anymore.
Veemit Chell·
@preglife stay strong, you can do this❤️
Maria·
@preglife, you have been through more than enough without your partner making you feel like this. I’m not one for telling people to leave their SO but for me the comments he made would over ride the porn issue and I’d be seriously reconsidering our relationship. You’re not lacking, you’re not an object to be compared to another! Whatever happens please remember the problem isn’t you, it’s him.
Janel ·
@preglife he probably will realize what he had when it's too late. I feel like the fact that he never talked to you about his disability was a huge red flag. I would definitely question everything if I found out my partner had been hiding something like that from me for so long. My so and I have been together 16 years now and we have such a trusting and honest relationship but it took so long, it's so hard to really know someone and accept them for what they are and all their faults. I hope you find someone one day who you can trust and who values you. I'm around to talk if you ever need someone