Ladies please help me. I recently found out my partner has been watching porn at work behind my…

Ladies please help me.

I recently found out my partner has been watching porn at work behind my back...alot. To the ppl OK with porn, pls don't say anything rude because we both agreed and established a solid agreement that our relationship would consist of ZERO porn and anything of that nature from day 1. He knows how much is hurts me and he even agreed that he thinks it is a form of cheating. I honestly thought he was being honest and to find out that he hasn't been this whole time..hurts me. Especially because he's doing it at work. Like how tf do you even have time?? He tells me it's just porn and that it is just to make u "cum" and that's it. OK. No prob. He denies ever masturbating to it.Bullshit.

Anyway so yesterday I also find out that not only had he been on porn this whole time.. But he has been looking up certain celebrities e.g. "nicki minaj ass" on multiple occasions and some other famous women.. I always knew he was obsessed over nicki but not to the extent that he was doing it behind my back and deleting things plus doing it on the job on a very regular basis.

I said Why? In this case he says it's not because he thinks she's hot. It's because there's something about her that he is interested in but he isn't sure what it is. Her "bad bitch" persona.. Her personality.. How she's a confident woman that knows what she wants.

I don't understand.. First he tells me the porn thing is just "face value" and its just Tits and ass and that's it. Now he's talking about being attracted to another woman because of her personality or whatever.. I know she is a celebrity but why do I suddenly feel like he could do this with a regular person if the occasion ever arose? Like he crossed the face value line. It hurts me because I have never and would never think of another man screen or not.. It's just how I am in relationships.

I call bullshit on him not thinking she's hot if he's looking things up with her name and the word "ass". But anyway.. Im just realy hurt. He says I don't try enough things with him in the bedroom (I admit I am very self conscious after giving birth my body changed and my confidence dropped but hell I do NORMAL things not bend backwards like pornstars do) I said if you turn to porn because I don't try things u want to so u watch other women do those sex acts.. What are celebrities giving u that I'm not? He did not say "NOTHING" he said "I'm not sure hey.. I don't know what it is" then he proceeded to say "I think you're lacking" and I just broke down crying. I had a miscarriage a week ago and right now I'm emotionally crushed..

This is all coming from a guy that always told me he never ever needed to look at another woman because he has me. Im always sexually available when he wants it, even if it's every day I would be down. I have a high sex drive, I give head whenever he wants. I just don't get it.

Please don't be rude I just want honesty opinions.. What do you think it is? He can't possibly love me if he turns to other women because he thinks I am "lacking"? Like I said I am always down for sex and I do mate effort. Can y'all please ask your men what they think about the whole "personality" thing?

I realise that to many people they will deem me as over thinking, paranoid etc.. But I genuinely just want to understand. Please help :(