“A Poem To My Mother”

Sometimes late at night I think of you and many things come to mind,

But the one I always come back to is how you left me behind.

I never claimed to be the perfect child.

I was rebellious and kind of wild.

But once my daughter came into my life...I changed it all,

But instead of supporting me, you intentionally made me fall.

I tried my best to be a good teenage mom, but that you wouldn’t even let me be...

You always criticized and took my daughter from me.

You made it seem like I didn’t care.

While all along I really wanted to be there.

You purposely took on my role of her mother.

You knew I loved her like no other.

She was my daughter, my heart and my soul.

Yet you chose to steal my role.

You told her I never wanted her and that wasn’t true.

What kind of person are you ?

She was my baby, not yours and you took her away.

I hate myself for allowing it and regret it every day.

Sometimes I fought back, but eventually I got tired.

You filled my daughter’s head with stories and told her I was a liar.

If only she knew the real truth, than she would know...

That my intentions were to be a mother and never let her go.

I don’t know why I let you tear us apart.

I’ve always loved my daughter with all of my heart.

It makes me sad to know that she thinks poorly of me.

But I’m the bigger person for accepting responsibility.

I can blame it all on you, but I won’t.

I could tell her the truth, but I don’t.

The only reason why is because I don’t want her to think bad of you.

She already has those thoughts of me, so there’s nothing I can do.

I rather have her hold on to the loving moments you shared.

For if she knew the truth, the pain she could not bare.

So, I’ll continue to live with my pain.

Although you knew what you would gain.

I don’t understand how a mother could take away her daughter’s baby.

You fucked me up mentally and made me crazy.

I have so much heartache, regrets and guilt.

Most of it was what you built.

You told my daughter that I abandoned her,

Another lie for sure.

Than years later you choose to abandon me.

I could never understand how this could be ?

All over a misunderstanding, but you did not care.

This I know because you had no pain to bare.

I honestly don’t think you ever loved me.

I was the black sheep and treated differently.

My sister was always your number one,

I couldn’t compete because I would have never won.

You didn’t have enough love for me in your heart,

You hated me so much, you choose to tear me apart.

Although I have anger and resentment towards you,

You are my mother and I will always love you.

I will never understand why you did this to me,

But I must find peace and let it be.

As sad as it sounds, I’m finally going to walk.

It’s been over 8yrs since we last talked.

The letter you sent me said it all,

I was secretly hoping it was just a small...

A small little misunderstanding that could be fixed,

But instead you continued to throw bricks.

With those bricks, I built a wall...

And sadly I feel nothing at all.

You said hurtful things and called me all kinds of names.

Said I’d die alone and brought you shame.

Told me I would burn in Hell,

Never to contact you...oh well !

I’ll still think about you and wish you the best.

You are my mother and for that I am blessed.

You did choose to give me life...

Although it’s been hard, I’ll take on the strife.

Thank you for teaching me what not to do.

I’ll never abandon my children, this is true.

I’ve learned from my first mistake.

My children’s heart I will never break.

As for my first daughter, we are doing fine.

We are mending our relationship one day at a time.

God has blessed me with a second chance, to be a good mother all over again...

For this I thank Him and say “Amen”.