Imma be that asshole parent today that ain't giving their kids breakfast til they pickup their…

I cant even with these boys today.instead of picking up their room which would take all of 10 minutes. They came out and asked what time theyre going to their grandmas because their grandma will give them food when they get there. Theyre expecting me to go in there after they leave and clean the roombecause they dont want to

Um maybe feed your kids then they can clean. They don’t have to do stuff on an empty stomach.

Yeah I wouldn’t say no food because of chores. Ask them to clean it up & if they’re really starving, I’d tell them to chill while you make them food but make a deal for them to do it after they’re done. Or they ain’t going to grandmas 🤷🏻‍♀️

Feed them and then tell them to clean up. Withholding food as punishment for not doing a chore is messed up and leads to food hoarding later because they’re scared they won’t be allowed to eat. Would you like your fiancé to withhold food from you until you cleaned the house? Doubtful. Know better and do better.

@caiticat sure i could do that but they werent worried about eating until i asked them to pick up. It would take them maybe 10 minutes to pick up the toys they pulled out and blankets and pillows they threw on the floor. But obviously they just dont wanna pick up they want me to do it for them. Theyd rather not clean and wait 6 hours for their grandma to get them then take 10 minutes and pick up..

The problem is this is an ongoing thing with them not wanting to pick up after themselves. The other day i asked them to pick up their room because i was deep cleaning the house because of ants And they fought me from 10am until 3pm.

@mom4m so don’t pick up for them. Allow them to eat, then send them to clean. If they don’t clean, get in there and tell them to clean again. If they leave and it isn’t cleaned, leave it as it is and make them clean it when they come back.

No matter what i do i cannot get them to help me out or pick up a single thing theyve taken out, they wait and wait until their grandma comes to get them and leave the mess for me to clean up..

@mom4m what have you tried? You’ve been having this problem with them ever since B.B. and it hasn’t changed yet, so what exactly are you doing to have them do their chores? Maybe we can give you different ideas.

@queenmeeks if i could leave the mess i would, but on some weekends theyre gone from friday afternoon until monday morning and because its been so dry here lately the ants are really bad so messes cannot be left otherwise they start coming out of the woodwork

Ive asked nicely. Ive explained that mom really needs help im tired and my back and stomach hurt when i have to clean and its not good for the baby for me to have to do everything. Ive taken the tv away multiple times, ive offered a reward system like giving treats or going to do something fun after its done, it doesnt matter what i do theyll ttake 6 hours to pick up a few toys and blankets

@mom4m if it takes them six hours to pick it up, let it take them six hours. Use the system of putting things in trash bags that are on the floor and either donate them or put them away where they can’t get them so they can begin to understand that if things cannot be picked up, we can just get rid of them. Continue to be consistent and make a chore chart if you haven’t.

@queenmeeks but my thing is if i ask them pick up at 10 am so we can go somewhere fun and they take until 4 am i supposed to still take them out? Or am i supposed to Still reward the fact that they took 6 hours for something that shouldve only taken 10 minutes or is that reward straight out the window until they can do it in a timely manner like maybe an hour. And with the toys in garbage bags i got abput 3 bags of toys sitting in the storage closet from them not picking them up

@mom4m don’t reward behavior that shouldn’t be rewarded or they will keep doing the inappropriate behavior because they know they will still be able to do what they want and go. If you’re telling them to pick up at 10am, tell them “hey guys! Let’s eat breakfast and from 10-11, you guys have to clean up. If you get everything cleaned up properly within that hour and it stays clean, we can go do something fun at 4! If not, we won’t be doing anything today.”

Ill try that @queenmeeks . Just their comment today really got me about them just waiting until they go to their grandmas house to eat because she'll feed them and they wont have to clean really bothers me. I did go in their room at About 9 and said lets get some breakfast. Mia came out and had breakfast but the boys stayed in their bed. It wasnt until i had said something about cleaning that they wanted to come out and eat

@mom4m if they’re content with waiting until the go to grandma’s to eat, then this is where all of the adults need to step up and get on the same team. If they have chores and rules in your home, same needs to apply when they go to their grandparents because this isn’t the typical grandparent-grandchildren relationship since they’ve more or less stepped into the role that dad would play in the custody situation. Hopefully you’ll be able to get their behavior on the right track with the help of the grandparents!

@queenmeeks oh i know.. Ive begged her to place some of the same rules that i have here she says no its her time and she can do what she wants. Her lawyer even told her she needed to do it but because the judge didnt say it in court she doesnt have to listen to her lawyer. Other family members on her side have told her that she needs to put her foot down and start making them responsible for themselves and their actions but yet she ignores them and lets the kids get away with whatever they want whem with her. Their aunt messaged me the other weekend and told me that my 5 year old called his grandma a stupid bitch because she said no to him getting a new toy. Instead of punishing him SHE BOUGHT HIM THE DAMN TOY!! Thats the stuff i cannot deal with

@mom4m oh my. Yeah she’s setting them up for failure with that.

@queenmeeks that's what im saying. He tries to swear (dammit, shit nothing towards anybody) here but gets sent to his room instantly and screams because he thinks ill let him get out if he makes a bunch of noise but i dont i make him sit in there until he calms down and then i have him vome out and apologize for saying bad words. My biggest fear is they turn out to be like their father, with no respect for anybody or anything..i mean their father called into the court hearing just to blow up in the end and tell the judge to go fuck himself because he didnt get any visitation in mexico. Being that disrespectful and haveing no respect for authority. Or other people is definatly A learned behavior. Like things didnt go my way in vourt but i forsure wouldn't blow up on a judge

Yeah the grandparents need to set some rules too since they are stepping into the dad role. I’d say buckle down & get tough, I know it’s hard during pregnancy. Do you have anyone, brother, cousin, uncle who can step in & give them some tough love? Sometimes boys need a man to come in and tell them shit how it is! You can do it too but once you aren’t pregnant, I’d really sit down and talk and if they continue to act that way. Bye bye toys, bye tv, bye everything. They will eat what there is to eat and they will go to bed early. Get real strict, you don’t want them this out of control as they get older but it sure gets out of hand... my boys are small, I’m saying it because of me. I was rebellious and it wasn’t corrected early on so I was bad with my mom as a teenager. Now I know better so I talk to my kids and start taking anything they love or want away, usually that gets the message across. Even if they get a little upset, it’s necessary to correct your kids so they can be better.

@leslyev92 they have my fiance but hes only here parenting for about 3-4 hours every day because of work he tries the best that he can to help me with them. But then again when they go to grandmas she tells them that they dont have to listen to him becase "hes not your dad". Its a never ending battle and theres nothing i can do about it right now all i can do is wait for grandma to royally screw up and get a lawyer and take her back to court and prove its not in the boys best interest for her to get so much time with them

@mom4m, where’s their real dad?

You are doing the best you can and yeah he may not be their dad but he’s the man you chose in your life and as your partner he will help you and that includes your kids. I can’t believe the grandparents would say that to them knowing they are only going to hurt them in the long run

Ive seriously concider taking everything from them and just leaving them with a few changes of clothes and a bed but then id never hear the end of it from their grandma how im being so mean and neglecting them. And id probably get more comments from the boys like i did today like well my grandma gives me this or my grandma will do it when we go over there

@leslyev92 their real dad is in mexico he was deported in 2014 for sexual intercourse with a minor. The way they their grandma sees shit is my fiance isnt shit to the boys and never willbe and she makes sure she says it to the kids. Hell shes even said numerous time that my stepdad who is the only grandpa on my side they know isnt shit to them. If it aint her family its nothing to the boys