So I need to vent a little , My boyfriend has a 9 year old son . Im still trying to make things as…

Yes, you are absolutely over reacting. A huge change has happened in that little boys life. You're making this about you.

Don't know how their relationship ended, but if his son is so attached to the ex, would she possibly still want to see him? I'd ask my bf if it's ok for him to see her from time to time

Hes not thinking of "hurting your feelings" or making you feel "unwanted" a lot of times at that age, they just talk to talk. Hes sharing memories with you. I know you dont like hearing about your mans ex, but just keep trying to be the best step mom you can to him. You'll be the only one he thinks/talks about eventually. Im sure he will love your son as well. Its also hard for a 9 year old to think of a baby in the womb, it'll be different once your son is here 😊

@newlyironman I'm not making shit about me , I try to make him feel as comfortable as possible. So how am I making it about me ? I told him if he's not happy here then ask your dad if he could go over there ...

I agree 100% with @newlyironman

@momzillaof3 I hope so 😞

@_sheriee I DONT

@keilaa you're caring about hope you're feeling instead of how he's feeling. You're making how he's feeling about YOU. That and your son aren't good enough. It probably has NOTHING to do with how you treat him and everything to do with what he misses. Kids take time top adjust and trust. Odds are, he might feel you're temporary too

@_sheriee how am I makin it about my self when I just clearly stated I try to be the best step mom I could be . I understand he may miss being over there and I'm not stopping him from going to visit but nobody wants to keep hearing about my mans ex period. I told him to take him to visit , but he gone do what he wants. That's his son I can't force it

I was in that little boys shoes when I was little. It’s hard for kids to adjust when they get used to one thing. You need to be patient with him and show him you care for him and love him. He will get used to it and slowly forget about her.

@newlyironman well I'm not trying to make it seem like it's all about me and my son & I'm definitely not temporary. Idk maybe it just takes time. I been dating his dad for almost 2 years now . That's why I'm just so confused on why " she " keeps being brung up ..

@keilaa because that's what kids do. Especially if she was around during very formative years

Because he’s a child, you’re the adult. The kids being brought into another home and going through a big change. Instead of getting upset about it and asking your man to take him back to visit, just try to understand the kid. He’ll eventually warm up to you. I was in your shoes so I get the frustration. Where’s the child’s biological mother? He’s lived in how many homes now?

I am a step mom also. It’s VERY difficult to have step children. Harder than being a bio parent, in my opinion. It’s the most unappreciated and hurtful position you could ever be in.

My advice: Be consistent, LOVE him, build a strong bond with him, talk to him and find things he is interested in and likes to do at your house, and don’t take anything personally!!! At least at 9 he’s still young and innocent and he’s probably just hurting right now. Someone he obviously really cared about is no longer in his life all of a sudden. Give him time to “grieve” that. Just spend time with him. Teach him to cook or bake (really good bonding), do some yard work together, help him learn to do his own laundry. Give him real life skills, while spending good quality time with him and really listen to everything he has to say!

Try having teenagers who it feels do things intentionally to hurt you at times. And having the bio mom involved. Makes for a difficult life!

I would give it a minimum of a year for you to really see improvement and start to bond. By year 2, things will probably be getting pretty great.

@_sheriee His real mom is off living her own like w/ her man & 5 other kids. I'm not sure if they talk often. & other then his real mom this is his second household. It was just his ex and then me .

So you’re the third house then? Yeah mama, it’s gonna take him time to warm up. He’s not doing this to hurt you. He may even be scared to warm up to another motherly figure after losing two.

@keilaa, I’m in the same boat as you babe difference is I pay that shit no attention lol my job here is to build a strong young lady my stepdaughter is also 9 her mother also has other kids but my husband has had full custody since she was born, mother is never around I’m no one too judge u know but all I can do is like I said build a strong young lady teach her about life try to have fun try to bond all them extra comments cause she does me the same way my mom this my mom that I’m like ok cool but what we doing lol try not to get so hurt kids need time to adjust eventually you start seeing times when they come to u and give you hugs and eventually they will want to do things with you! U will b fine just do your best

Have you tried asking him what he likes about the ex? I honestly don't know if that's a bad idea, but then instead of him complaining, you guys can talk about it, and you can ask how you can help him adjust better