I’m confused about what to do rn!! I’m 4months and 17weeks now and my bf is in Jail for 4-8years…

I had a boyfriend that was in and out of jail for the whole 5 years we were together and he never changed and would still be acting a fool now if he hadnt gotten shot in April and is now in a nearly vegetable state(they don't even know if he will make it), but then my husband of 6 years got into a lot of trouble and has kept every promise he ever made in there. It really can go either way.

My husband went away for 2 years and was still the same till he got his job when he got home. But now he’s more him again thankfully. I have a friend who dealt with her bf doing the whole sweet talk crap and changed when he got out. How long have you guys been together?

@amberspringer, We have been together for 8months now. But I knew he was the one I wanted to spend the rest of my life with and he said the same. He even asked me to marry him. I know it’s weird and we’re young so people I feel like assume that it’s not real. But everyone that knows us and sees us together always say we’re happier when we’re together. Lol we also make them sick with how much we love on each other. I miss him so bad and I’m wondering if it’s possible to have and raise a child alone?

@wheelercharle4, Thank you so much!! I hope for the best :/

@kittycupcake, I think he’s real, just give it time. Yes you can totally raise a kid on your own. I had my oldest at 16 and broke up with her donor and did it alone. Also when my hubby got taken, our daughter was 10 months old. He didn’t come back till she was 3. He was 3,000 miles away and it sucked but just focus on your baby and you will feel more empowered.

@amberspringer, Thank you and yes this pregnancy has been so daunting. I feel like lately I’ve just been wanting to give up on everything and I’ve been crying a lot lately. I never cry so this is super awkward and weird for me. Plus his step mom is being stupid trying to say it’s not his child when everyone knows it is. I’m also finding it difficult to be nice all the time like when I’m hurting badly I get super bitchy and when people are idiots I give them a piece of my mind instead of being all calm and holding my tongue.

@kittycupcake, do you know what you are having? Trust me, I get the whole the baby isn’t his thing. My oldest is white looking and her half siblings are darker and therefore her donor and some of his family say she’s not his. It’s bs.

@amberspringer, Yea I def understand how frustrating that is or when they think that you can change the dna of a baby based off of if you have sex with another man because you broke up with the baby Daddy. 🙄Xd I feel like they should go back to school to know that, that can’t happen lol. No every time I go to find out the lady never shows up or this last time she was on vacation. I think it’s a boy because I’m carrying low but I’ve also heard people carry a girl low and a boy high so I’m not entirely sure. By the way I get kicked I really do think it’s a boy he kicks hard not to say a girl can’t. Plus everyone around me agrees and thinks it’s a boy. I can’t wait to find out though. It’s cute though he is trying in his own way even though most of the time it’s not in the way I would like and I have to remind my self that we are two different people. Just him being in Jail puts everything on my shoulders and makes everything that much harder. You said it’s possible to single parent but how do you be Mom and Dad at the same time? Also how did your child respond when the father returned? Is it hard adjusting to him being gone for so long and then being right there?

Move on. Find someone who isn’t a criminal and raise your child right.

Agree with cams. My son's dad was in prison and he wrote all sorts of letters about how he's going to get out and be the best dad and husband ever. He's out and he hardly even asks about his son. If he didn't something serious enough to be locked up that long he's not mature enough or good enough to be waiting around for

@veemitchell, I can agree with that except my bf was set up. Not to say he will be any better when he gets out but I feel like I should give him a chance to at least prove it? I mean it is his child just as much as mine.

You guys can be soulmates, it's possible. But just because you're really happy together means that he's the one. The relationship is only 8 months old, it could still be in the honeymoon phase. You can know if it's jail talk or real based on how he treated you before he got locked up.

You said he put you through hell, but that he made you happy at the same time? I guess there were more good days than bad days then. And were you intimate with someone else after you were with him? I agree, you can't change baby's dna after conception, but maybe his stepmom is just hurt by you being with someone else? That doesn't excuse her behavior though.

Last thing, I don't get how you say you're 4 months and seventeen weeks, lol, I'm slow, are you 17 weeks?

You can raise your baby on your own. Sign up for samples, they may not be much, but they sure are fun to get. And check to see if your state has any programs you can take advantage of until you get on your feet if necessary. It's gonna be hard, but it's doable

@kittycupcake he still deserves to be in his child's life after he's paid his debt, you def should give him a chance at being a dad, but to give him a chance to be better for you is a whole nother story

@kittycupcake, you will know exactly what to do as each obstacle approaches. You will learn to be both parents. Do you have family and friends as a good support system? My daughter was able to adjust pretty well when he returned. Now she doesn’t even remember him being gone. My oldest had to get to know him again but they did it slowly and things are great.

@sweetsap88, Very true I agree and I say he put me through hell because before he went to jail he cheated on me knowing that I was pregnant with his child. I have had sex with another man other then him but I was never in love with him. I do whoever know how he is and feel it would be better to not put myself through it all over again especially having a child that solely depends on me. I love him but I’m also in the process of letting him go but every time he sends me letters I get held back again. Even his best friends and his grandma said it would be better to move on. Of course I will let him be in his child’s life. But I’m not sure anymore about us. I’m 4months and 16weeks and 7days. Sorry about that if I messed it up. She could be but then again she never liked me in the first place and was always trying to break us up so I’m confused about her actions now. I also agree just because we have a child together doesn’t mean we should or have to be together. In the end I want what’s best for my child.

@amberspringer, That’s good and I’m super happy for you. :) Yes my family is 💯% behind me but there far away. I just want my child to be happy regardless of our relationship.

@kittycupcake it may seem impossible now, but you'll figure it out, I just know it 🤗

@kittycupcake, your child will. My cousin gets home on the 26th and has been gone for 6 yrs. his son thinks he’s been working. My youngest doesn’t know about her dad in jail either. We say vacation or he was helping his aunt.

@sweetsap88, Thank you so much!!!

@amberspringer, oh I see.

If he already cheated on you in the short time you have been together and he is gone for 4-8 years, I would recommend moving on. He can be a father when he gets out and you can ensure he has a relationship with his child, but I don’t think I would ever stay with someone in that scenario.

I would move on. 4-8 years is a LOOONG time. He won't be able to support you in any way from prison.

I would move on only 8 months.. And now he going to jail 4 to 8 years no no... Don't let him fool you with jail talk trust me I know-it-all all to well. And when they get out its a different story

He could also be writing other girls in prison, that is a long time.