Before any of you read this I would like to make it known that I have suffered from depression for…

Before any of you read this I would like to make it known that I have suffered from depression for ten years now. This is my description of how depression feels to me. Some of the ladies from Baby Bump May recognize this, although it was under a different user name than my own.

Depression is best described as a ravenous beast. It’s hunger is never satisfied. It feeds from your soul, taking the very essence of who you are. It devours your happiness, your joy, the genuine laughter you once so freely released. Very quickly you become an empty shell of your former self. The joyful moments no longer make you feel happy. It leaves you your sadness, your anger, and every negative emotion you never knew you had. Your body is a temple, and soon the beast starts redecorating the interior. Even the brightest of lights casts a dark shadow. It soon spreads the shadow, replacing all the light with the dark. Soon you’re much like a cave. Dark, cold, empty. You’re left with a tear stained face and a hardened heart. The negativity soon becomes you. Your energy to fight has also been sapped by that dark beast. You no longer gain a sense of fulfillment in the things you once enjoyed. The beast took that too. It’s hunger knows no bounds, it’s never satisfied. There are days the beast isn’t as hungry,leaving you it’s leftovers. Leftover joy you rarely feel. Instead of enjoying those leftovers you worry about when they’ll be consumed next. You can’t live in the moment because the moment will quickly pass. You begin to wear a mask to replace the light you so sadly lost, not wishing to show others the darkness that dwells within you. You begin to pass the dark off as light. The laughter you never thought twice about, you now rehearse, although it still sounds fake in your ears. Smiles are unnatural. Every reaction is fake, practiced, and constantly weighing heavy in your mind. You no longer dream of felling the beast with your own might. You no longer dream of the rescue that will never come. Instead you lie with the beast, too tired, too hopeless to even pick yourself up. Perhaps one day I’ll be one of the lucky few to slay the beast. But for now I’ll continue to lie with it and survive, even the days I don’t want to. Perhaps one day, amongst all this shadow, I’ll find the source of its light and cling to it. I’ll take hold of it and become whole again.