feeling down I don't like the way I'm feeling emotionally I'm normally okay with being alone or to…

feeling down

I don't like the way I'm feeling emotionally I'm normally okay with being alone or to be alone with the kids all day. But today I just woke up feeling down I'm like I don't want to be alone. So I asked DH to stay home from work with me and the kids today he said no. So without attitude or anything of that nature I told him I was feeling down and I needed him. Still he says no and gets mad at me and starts yelling at me saying he doesn't want to spend the holidays with me and that he wants a divorce. So I don't say anything and just leave the room. He later comes back and apologizes and tells me he didn't mean anything he said and he offered to come home at 2. I didn't really say anything to him. I was still kind of hurt and mad. SO3 comes and he can't come home because he's in the middle of fixing someone's Plumbing. Okay fine whatever I call my mom just to talk and she tells me her plans for the day which is to bake stuff for Christmas Eve and then she's going to party with friends as per usual. Seriously all I said to her was sounds funnier than my day and she goes off on me saying well that's what happens when you have kids. And that she can't spend all her time with me. Seriously my mom doesn't spend time with me. The only thing she has done which I appreciate its keep the kids the weekend after my treatment because that's when it's the worst. Which she won't even be able to do next month because she made plans to go out of town with her friend. I don't know what my point of this is it just hurts my feelings that she acts like she spends all this time with me but she really doesn't. She even was able to take FMLA to help supposably but she's never around. I don't know I'm just lonely I guess. And I can't really go anywhere because it's getting colder and I don't drive. Hell at this point I'm not even looking forward to Christmas or Christmas Eve because then everybody expects me to go places but no can be here for me. I think that maybe. My antidepressants lol