I know I'll probably get hate but oh well

I just got to get it out. This makes me sound like a horrible person with everything I'm going through. But I don't feel loved by my dh. And honestly I don't want to pass away feeling that way. And yes I have talked to him about it multiple times it does no good. I know he needs to go back on an antidepressant but he doesn't want to and I can't force him. Just a thought of feeling this way till if/when I pass makes me cry. I miss feeling loved. But honestly it's too late to leave him. 1 that would make me really big b**** 2 who would even want to Love Me Now. My head is so messed up right now. I Miss the way my relationship was with DD's bio. But then I feel bad for that because he's not a good guy anymore. I'm just so sad and I don't know what to do.