Heartbroken.... As some of you may remember my mother hasn't spoken to me in over 6 years and to…

Heartbroken....

As some of you may remember my mother hasn't spoken to me in over 6 years and to none of her family for over 15 years. I never really let it bother me before, but this past week it has taken a toll on me and really hit me hard. My grandfather recently passed away on Thursday morning and prior to that he was in the hospital. I asked my mother through my daughter to please put the past behind her and go see her father before it was too late and all she did was respond with negative comments. My grandfather wanted to see his daughter one last time and she didn't even have the decency to be forgiving and swallow her pride to go see her dying father. My grandfather never did anything to her and she abandon her entire family over a complete misunderstanding due to a family fight that he had nothing to do with. I just don't understand how someone can be so heartless and have no compassion for someone who gave they life and loved them dearly. Throughout the years my grandfather tried to make amends and he finally begin to get tired of countless visits to my mother's home. He finally gave up and said, If you can't forgive my wife (her mother) than I'm sorry, I have to stand by my wife's side. My grandfather was a loving man and he did indeed love and adore my grandmother and I believe he was right in what he said. He did nothing to deserve the way my mother treated him and surely didn't deserve to be abandoned by his daughter. He lived to be 96 yrs old and my mother missed out on all those years of his life because she was selfish. I could have only hoped that my father lived that long so that I could have enjoy that time with him, but he passed away 8 years ago from cancer. I sent the info to my daughter that she may inform my mother of the services and we received no response. In my heart, I'm hoping she will come pay her respects and condolences...but I've come to accept the truth and realize that she won't be there. I'm just so hurt and angry at her and for the first time in my life I'm ashamed to admit it, but I hate her. I can't imagine how she is feeling or what she is experiencing or going through. Maybe she's sorry... maybe she's not ? Does it hurt her that he's gone and she missed out on the most beautiful years of his life ? Does she have regrets that she didn't make amends or come to see him ? Does she even care ? I don't know the answer to this questions, but it breaks my heart. My grandfather didn't deserve to be treated by mother like that. I think he came to accept it and was finally alright with my mother's decision not to come see him. He died peacefully at home with the love of his life, my grandmother. I admire him for his strength, love of his wife and family values. He was a beautiful person and I will always carry his memory in my heart. Hopefully I can find it in my heart to forgive my mother and try to understand her reasoning for choosing not to come and accept that she abandoned us and will never make amends. I am disappointed in myself for feeling so much hatred and resentment towards her. I don't know if I will always feel this way or if it will pass eventually because of everything that is happened at the moment, it's very stressful. I'm physically, mentally and emotionally drained but I don't show it. I am the rock in my family and their support system. I always pick up and fix the broken pieces, in the mediator and peacemaker. I have to be strong for myself, my family and especially my grandmother. Thank you for taking the time to read my post, writing it out helps me to feel better because I have no one to talk to.