rant.

I'm overwhelmed and stressed to the max. I feel like I need help but then again I feel like, no, I've got this, I'm fine. I'm supposed to go back to work on the 8th. This is by my decision which seemed right for me at the time. My baby still isn't home from nicu so I feel like I'm just being lazy not going back to work but then again I'm back and forth to the hospital every day and pumping every 2 friggin hours so wth why am I being so hard on myself? I can't do this anymore. I just want my kid home so I can feel like a real mom and not like I'm lost and wandering around like a crazy person. Maybe I'm not ready to go back to work. And then what will I do when he comes home? Request more time off and lose half my pay? Bah! I am so torn on what to do.