Molestation This whole duggar thing got me thinking.... at what age would you consider the offender…

You knew it was wrong and you didn't like it. To me, he molested you.

If you knew it was wrong, he, being even older than you, definitely knew he was doing something wrong to you. I'd say it's still molestation ... But perhaps not with the quite the same intent as compared to an adult molesting a child.

I think there is not only a distinction of age for being a molester vs curious (I would say 8-9 would be the early border ages and 10 definitely, depending on how quickly the child develops) but also pattern and the age of the victim.

Curiosity is usually sated after 1 or 2 instances. More than that, I would call it molestation, as it's a pattern then.

Intentionally touching someone younger or smaller than yourself also a warning sign, as its someone vulnerable to you.

That being said, even the "curiosity" is inappropriate, wrong, and requires counselling of some sort for both parties involved, if only to make it very clear that it is to NOT happen again.

Edit: And OP, if you don't want to call yourself a victim of molestation, don't. Nobody can force you to take that title, or "accept" what happened to you until you're ready, which can be never (and that's your right).

This is why it's so important to teach kids from a very young age what appropriate touch is. Not only so they keep their hands to themselves, but so they know to speak up if anyone touches them in a way that makes them uncomfortable

May I ask how old was he? I understand if you don't want to answer!

Honestly, I don't remember. I think I was 9ish. So he would have been 11-12. I had a crazy childhood so I blocked a lot of stuff out for a long time... this being one of them. It bothers me that I don't remember my age... but I can remember things like what I was wearing the first time it happened.

I had a female friend that always thought it was fun to use the same bathroom stall and wanted to look at each other's privates/touch. It made me feel extremely uncomfortable, I wasn't okay with it, so I told her to stop. I was either 7 or 8. What made it worse, later she was in tears because I said no, then told her mom it was my idea. My mom took me to her house and our moms had us talk openly about it and natural curiosity. But that we needed to respect each other's privacy, because those were private parts. Looking back on it, I'm pretty sure she was lesbian, but I didn't know about sex or sexuality at that age.

That's really interesting, K!

I'm glad you told. I didn't want to tell anyone. Not really sure why, I guess I thought I would get in trouble. As an adult, I don't feel the need to now. I don't want my parents to think they failed me or anything.

An 11 or 12 year old certainly knows better, and there's quite a gap in maturity both physically and mentally between 9 and 11. An older person taking advantage of a child's naivety is molestation. The fact that thinking of it now makes you want to crawl out of your skin, to me, is an obvious difference between childhood curiosity and a crime.

I'm so sorry that happened to you. It makes me sad to think that the boy was also being molested and probably wasn't getting help either. 12 year olds don't engage in that kind of sexual power play unless it has been taught to them. I don't think age is the deciding factor. At that age, it needs to be a case by case basis.

Omg it was terrible. ??

I had no choice, the girl's mom called my mother thinking I was being inappropriate. I thought I was going to get in trouble too. My mom knew full well I wouldn't do anything like that but we still went over and had a talk with them. I told them she lied she the truth, I've never trusted people the same since, now that I think about it. Especially not women! I have one friend that I truly trust, I consider her my sister. Even then it took years to trust her. Had it been a guy that happened with, I might never have felt comfortable saying anything.

I'm so sorry that happened to you op, what he did was so wrong. That's absolutely molestation! ?I'm sorry you never got a chance to confront him about it. It's hard to know what do as a child, you don't even know what's going on, it just feels wrong.

@weld

Just search duggar in the search box and u will see.

To me, it is always molestation whether the perpetrator is "old enough" to be aware of that fact or not. I know that when my daughter was 3 she knew some parts of her body were private and not to be touched by anyone, she also knew the reverse- that it was not ok to touch the private parts of others. She didn't know why it wasn't ok but she 100% knew that it wasn't to happen. A 14 year old would, not only know that his actions weren't acceptable but would also be very aware that what he was doing was a reprehensible violation & illegal- which I would venture is why he assaulted these girls while they slept. I would imagine they woke while the assault was in progress and froze in fear & shock. Those poor girls.

I was about 8 when my friends cousin used to always try to put his hands down my pants & touch me. Even tried to get on top of me & have sex with him. It was def more than curiosity & I told my friend about it & he was banned from the house by her parents. He was 11. I never told my parents & they didn't either. But her brother told my brother bc they were best friends & he wanted to beat him up & my brother was 18. My neighbor who was a girl also use to try to get me to finger her when she was about 13 & I was 10. She used to touch me too. I consider both of them molesters. They knew exactly what they were doing. The fact they always told me to never say anything is how they knew they were doing something wrong.

If it makes you feel wrong anf uncomfortable there is a problem.

When my brother and I were 6 and 7 we compared parts, we were just so confused as to why girls had some parts and boys had different parts, we marched up to my mom, dropped trow and asked "whys his/hers different?" Awkward sure for my mom but that seems like normal curiosity to me.

a year later I was molested by a much older sibling. I was terrified, felt uncomfortable, and I knew it was wrong. The threat to kill me if I told didn't help me at all.

I see a huge difference between the two situations and both situations had 2 children involved. My personal opinion.

@penguins, I'm sorry that happened to you. I couldn't imagine one of my siblings going that.

I was raped when I was 11. He was older, but I'm looking at what I knew when it happened. I knew it was wrong.

Great question op & bold of you to come clean about it. I remember an incident like that when I was a kid as well, with cousins in fact, I don't remember my age I just remember I was very young. As an adult now thinking back on it I know it was wrong & it does make me feel uncomfortable to think about it now, but in a child's eyes I can understand it seeming like curiosity. I guess that's why I also never told anyone until now. Just wanted to let you know that you're not alone & I just read an article that states some 85% of kids have experienced that type of play/exploration with other kids as well as children. Not saying it's right because its definitely not, but it might be more common than we think & that's why we have to always keep a close eye on our kids around other kids, even family members of the same age. It is disturbing.