@monkey I like the way you think!!! ? (as i back away slowly)

Use the list as a suggested list and of she ever asks you why some people didn't get invited just say " oh I thought it was just suggestions!" And walk away before she responds. ?

There family also has a habit of not rsvping and showing up. Or rsvping and not showing up. I could imagine the mess it would make with not having enough food for everyone or how much food would go wasted. DF and I discussed it and we will be going threw the list and weeding people out that are not necessary. He is also going to tell his mom why we are weeding said people out and explaining to her that we are not a bank and can't afford to have all of these people.

Um no. I'd pick the people off the list that you think are appropriate to invite. Have your DH help you so you don't miss someone important. It is entirely possible that these people she thinks won't show, will. That is way too many people for someone else's home. Especially on top of the others you will be inviting. She doesn't need to know you didn't invite someone unless she asks. Use her list as "suggested" invites.

I don't want to sound mean when I say she isn't hurting for money either. She can afford to help pay but she doesn't want to. She knows me DF and friend throwing the shower are not made of money. I don't know why I need a bunch of people I've never met invited to a shower for my baby. I spoke with SIL (DFs brothers wife) she agrees that she is asking too much for not footing the bill for this and that when SIL had her wedding she had to cut out some of her own friends who she has known her whole life for people she hardly knew that MIL wanted invited. I know that all 90 will not show up but even if half of the 90 invited show up that is still a lot of people to feed.

She won't throw a separate shower because she just threw her daughter an extravagant bridal shower. I told DF that he needs to talk to her about it because I don't feel comfortable having that conversation with her. Not to mention it took me 2 months to get a guest list from her and she didn't even give addresses. Well I would love to know where these invites are being mailed to. Half the people she wants invited I've never met before !

Maybe have 2 showers? A friends one with your friend hosting and another one your mother in law can pay for.

Tell your mil that you'll be providing food for the people that you've invited and that if she plans on having 60 more people attend that she'll be responsible for providing the food for them. That may push her into paring the list down some when she finds out that she's now responsible for feeding them. If not and she's willing to provide that amount of food for all those people, and you have a big enough venue to host them all, then I don't see a problem inviting them all.

I'd let her know that since she wants to invite all of these extras then she's gonna have to foot the bill because yinz arent made of money, if she doesnt like it or want to dish out the money then your list of who you want to come is just fine

My mil was like that with my bridal shower. Said every woman invite to the wedding was to be in invited to the shower.... umm no

THANK YOU! She wants me to invite people she knows won't show up also because it would be wrong to invite them. Also she has no intentions of shelling out any money for this shower.

Yeah. I'd tell her she could pitch in some $$ and some sweat equity if she wants to invite the whole neighborhood!

Crikey - that's more guests than my wedding!

Tell her there is a cap on number of guests. If it's such a huge deal for her (to invite a 5th cousin twice removed or the lady two rows back from church) she can pay for the additional costs!

Just simply tell her you are doing a small shower of just family and close friends, 60 people is too many for what you're planning.