so emotional *TRIGGER* I know im super pregnant and could be the hormones and all... buuuut....…

so emotional *TRIGGER*

I know im super pregnant and could be the hormones and all... buuuut.... today my son would've been 4 years old! When i delievered him i was only 23w 3d. My membranes were bulging out and i was having contractions back to back. So when i got to l&d they told me they didn't want to risk sending me to I'm more advanced hospital because it was 2 hours away so they sent them to me and the inverted the bed until they got there. A nurse came over to me shortly after and informed me that there's nothing that they could probably do and to be prepared for the worst and tears just started coming out of my eyes and I couldn't control it this was my second pregnancy and I didn't know what causes or why this was happening to me at this point my boyfriend which is now my husband was away in Kansas at a time and I'm all the way in Delaware because he was in the army so I'm blowing his phone up and when I finally reach him and tell him what's going on he's trying to scramble up money to get a plane ticket to come home so initially I was going through all of this by myself. They ended up breaking my water and having me deliver my son who was only 1 lb 4 oz his heart was so weak and he was taking small breaths but didnt cry and was quickly taken away... moments later they came back and said he didnt make it and they gave me my last moments to hold him while he takes his lasts breath. ??? like i just wish i see him and hold him and tell him im sorry and i love him. And like i wish i got to see him grow. I love you and ill never forget u ????