Have them be around. They'll learn about death and the process of it eventually, and I would most definitely want to spend every waking moment I had left with them, and I'm sure they would want the same.
I would have them around unless it got visually too difficult for both of us to handle. I've worked with hospice clients and it can be a very peaceful and wonderful experience. I would want to spend my last moments talking, hugging, and being around my children but would understand if they did not want to witness me in my final breaths. That's difficult on a child.
I'd have them around. If I were that child and I grew up knowing my parent stayed away from me to shield me from the pain of their deterioration, I'd be mad because it meant missing out on time with them.
Children need closure. If they can walk that journey with you, get that closure. They seem to cope better in the long run.
The hospice nurse will direct the childs guardian when it may be in the best interest of the child to no longer see the deterioration of their parent. Which will probably be with in hours of the actual event.
There are 10 signs of death is nearing. And they're pretty good on making sure the patient and family get their time before the patient goes to far from coherent.
I'm not uncomfortable with the idea of children being around death per se; I think at least you can explain to them what's going on so they can understand.
Edit: my nan passed away just last month in hospital and my whole family were in the room with her including my son and a bunch of his young cousins. I actually think although death in itself can be a hopeless time for some, it is comforting to think of a situation where a person can be surrounded by all their loved ones as they pass.
My best friend in high school transferred to my school because her mom was in the end stage of breast cancer, and she sent my friend to live with her dad (divorced). I understand why on a logical level ... she was on her own with a rebellious teen, she literally was in so much pain she couldn't get out of bed for anything, and she didn't want her daughter to see her waste away and die in front of her eyes.
However, we are in our 30's now and my friend is still to this day heartbroken about being sent away. It kills her that she wasn't there till the end. I was with her through many a night of extremely self destructive behavior due to her internalized feelings about this and I can safely say I couldn't risk putting my kid in such a position like that.
The mother in me would know that my baby didn't need to see me like that. But the mother in me also knows that I am my baby's comfort. It'd be really hard to keep them away.
This is harder to answer than I thought. Part of me wouldn't want my kids to see me like that, but the other part couldn't bear the last few moments without them.
Have them around, I want them to be there for my last breath, regardless of what state I am in. They will understand one day and that's all that matters.
This is an extremely hard decision to make and I honestly believe there is no right answer because either way your child will be hurt there is no way around it. That being said.. I would spend each and every second I could making sure my baby knew that even though I was leaving her in body I will always be watching over her I would also try to give her every once of love inside of me so that she at least remembers that her mother spent every last breath loving on her. Recently I've been reading this story about a country music singer named Joey Feek who has a baby girl with Down syndrome and Joey is dying of cervical cancer and it's really just made me reflect on how important time with my daughter is. I can't even begin to imagine what hurts more the cancer or leaving her daughter and husband.
deleted-user·
In my heart I would want them kept away to save the good memories of me. ( not in a vegetable state )
As a child in the situation I would want to be there for my mother/father/etc for comfort.
So that would be a super hard decision. I wouldn't want my child growing up thinking " I should have been there to help, comfort, support"
deleted-user·
Have them be around. They'll learn about death and the process of it eventually, and I would most definitely want to spend every waking moment I had left with them, and I'm sure they would want the same.
deleted-user·
I would have them around unless it got visually too difficult for both of us to handle. I've worked with hospice clients and it can be a very peaceful and wonderful experience. I would want to spend my last moments talking, hugging, and being around my children but would understand if they did not want to witness me in my final breaths. That's difficult on a child.
deleted-user·
I'd have them be around no matter the age.
deleted-user·
Have them around. Or else the child might think mommy hated them during the last moments of her life. Happened to my aunt and my cousin... ?
deleted-user·
I'd have them around no matter what age.
deleted-user·
I'd have them around. If I were that child and I grew up knowing my parent stayed away from me to shield me from the pain of their deterioration, I'd be mad because it meant missing out on time with them.
deleted-user·
Children need closure. If they can walk that journey with you, get that closure. They seem to cope better in the long run.
The hospice nurse will direct the childs guardian when it may be in the best interest of the child to no longer see the deterioration of their parent. Which will probably be with in hours of the actual event.
There are 10 signs of death is nearing. And they're pretty good on making sure the patient and family get their time before the patient goes to far from coherent.
deleted-user·
I'm not uncomfortable with the idea of children being around death per se; I think at least you can explain to them what's going on so they can understand.
Edit: my nan passed away just last month in hospital and my whole family were in the room with her including my son and a bunch of his young cousins. I actually think although death in itself can be a hopeless time for some, it is comforting to think of a situation where a person can be surrounded by all their loved ones as they pass.
deleted-user·
I can't imagine keeping my kid away from me as I was dying.
deleted-user·
My best friend in high school transferred to my school because her mom was in the end stage of breast cancer, and she sent my friend to live with her dad (divorced). I understand why on a logical level ... she was on her own with a rebellious teen, she literally was in so much pain she couldn't get out of bed for anything, and she didn't want her daughter to see her waste away and die in front of her eyes.
However, we are in our 30's now and my friend is still to this day heartbroken about being sent away. It kills her that she wasn't there till the end. I was with her through many a night of extremely self destructive behavior due to her internalized feelings about this and I can safely say I couldn't risk putting my kid in such a position like that.
deleted-user·
I agree with Shelby.
The mother in me would know that my baby didn't need to see me like that. But the mother in me also knows that I am my baby's comfort. It'd be really hard to keep them away.
deleted-user·
This is harder to answer than I thought. Part of me wouldn't want my kids to see me like that, but the other part couldn't bear the last few moments without them.
deleted-user·
Have them around, I want them to be there for my last breath, regardless of what state I am in. They will understand one day and that's all that matters.
deleted-user·
This is an extremely hard decision to make and I honestly believe there is no right answer because either way your child will be hurt there is no way around it. That being said.. I would spend each and every second I could making sure my baby knew that even though I was leaving her in body I will always be watching over her I would also try to give her every once of love inside of me so that she at least remembers that her mother spent every last breath loving on her. Recently I've been reading this story about a country music singer named Joey Feek who has a baby girl with Down syndrome and Joey is dying of cervical cancer and it's really just made me reflect on how important time with my daughter is. I can't even begin to imagine what hurts more the cancer or leaving her daughter and husband.
deleted-user·
I'd want every minute that I could with my kids and husband.