Questions Sooooo I haven't heard from the sperm donor in about 4 months. I'm going to be 25 weeks…

No, your baby is going to be fine. If you really want to know that bad then try and reach out but if he hasn't been involved he might just not care to tell you. And as far as his mother, she should reach out as well being the grandma to see how the pregnancy is going. I would just take any problems as they come instead of trying to go out of your way to reach out to people who don't care.

I don't know if she knows. If she knows, I doubt she knows who I am. I just don't know what kind of door that would be opening if I talked to her.

Yep, You should reach out .. and tell her too tell him to contact you, I had to put my pride aside and do the same thing even though she was a straight b**** lol .. if those are things that you need to know, I'll contact him .. it dosent hurt to talk and find out

I wouldn't unless you're prepared to deal with the possibility of a whole lot of drama. Pregnancy is already stressful enough, I wouldn't add to it. But that's just me.

Yeah I don't really want drama, but at the same time if I would have went and paid for a sperm donor I would have more information than this. It's crazy. Only thing he ever told me (before we got into a huge fight and he backed out is that his hair was white when he was a baby/toddler and that he played sports, was in the band and had good grades. That's great and all, but I think family health history is also important to know.

I'm also scared of opening the door for her to be in our lives. I mean it could be great, but it also could be terrible. She might start pushing him to try to get custody rights just so they can see him. Which I would love for him to be involved, but only if he wants to. Not if mommy is making him and paying for all his legal fees. His dad is a retired lawyer by the way.

I wouldn't contact his mom. I did that with my BD, and it caused so much pain and drama.

The fact is, health history is nice to have but it really means very little in the scheme of things. Sounds like his parents are both alive, and he's alive and healthy enough to be in the military. Odds are there aren't huge health concerns to worry about. I did get that info from BD (supposedly...he's a huge liar, so I'm not sure how much of it was true), but it made no difference. My son ended up with asthma that showed up as a baby, and we have no history of that in either of our families.

Yes, if you had paid for a sperm donor you would know more...but you didn't. Someday he might be open to giving you more info, but for now there's really nothing he can tell you that will actually affect anything. Just send him an email letting him know you don't expect him to change his mind about being involved, but if he could please give you some health history, you'd appreciate it. And leave it at that. You may get a response, you may not, but you did your part.

I know when you're coming up on your child's birth, the "what ifs" and need to feel prepared is overwhelming. Just take it from me that the stress involved in contacting BD's family and in worrying about his lack of providing info is just not worth it AT ALL.

I reached out to my bd's dad ... not for health questions but just to reach out ... and it turned out for the better

I guess it can just be a hit or miss! I do know he's a mama's boy though so she probably thinks he can do no wrong. God, if my son ever did anything like his father is doing I would not let that fly. But hopefully I raise him better.

Don't contact his mother. That's his mother not yours and if he already backed out, there's a good chance she doesn't know and he doesn't want her to know. Don't ruin their relationship. Your baby is going to be just fine without you knowing this information. Your doctor will let you know if there are any problems. Rest easy love

If she doesn't know, she will find out at some point. It's not my place to tell her, but he did say he told her already. But he lied so much to me so I don't know. He said her response was that he needed to support me financially but work on his relationship (he had a gf I never knew about).

My bd told me he wasn't gonna say anything to his mom until after our daughter was born. As much as I wanted to reach out to her I didn't. Come to find out she knew all along (and didn't reach out to me or tell him she knew). If I knew I had a grandchild on the way I don't care what my son did or said I would have reached out

Jogle, I feel the same way! I would be ashamed of my son if he acted the way her son is acting as well. But I can guarantee she doesn't know the full story.

Okay I read the comments and first off, you WILL raise your son so much better than sperm's mom raised HIM. He f*** ed you over and to be honest if I were in your situation I would reach out to her since "you're not able to get in touch with him." Which may not be the case but that's what I would tell her just to do it, and since he says he told her and all. Also, you don't have to deal with any drama that you don't wanna deal with. If you do end up reaching out to your sons grandmother and she and her pos son or whoever tries to start some s*** with you, back out of it because you don't have the time or energy to go through that, you were just trying to reach out and there's nothing wrong with that. You can't ruin their relationship, only they can do that. If you want to reach out to know those things then do it. I'm sure the baby will be fine either way and knowing it won't change anything but you still have the right to know those things if you want... you're his mom. f*** it. Ask her ?

Think about it long and hard. Your dr will be able to tell you just about anything that would be wrong. I know like health issues may be a little more difficult, just let your dr know that you're unsure about his fathers history.

I reach out once and got shut down...so I just stopped.

My first daughter's father left when I found out I was pregnant. The one thing I wanted from him was his health history. I'm an RN and know how important it is to have. He would not give it to me even when lawyers got involved to terminate his parental rights. My daughter was born healthy, but she was also born deaf. There is no history of deafness on my side of the family and there was no reason my pregnancy would have caused it. I fear it runs in his family and she will pass it to her children. She's 5 now and doing fantastic! But I wish we could prepare for the future. If you have to get it from his mom, do it.

I haven't made a decision yet. I'll probably just wait it out and see how I feel about it once I get to 35 weeks or so. I'll give him time to contact me, even though I doubt he will. And later on he will just use the excuse he was too busy in Iraq.