Sorry you are going through this huni. I did exactly the same when my first baby was ectopic 8 years ago. I had 4 weeks off post surgery. I was desperate to get back to normal and threw myself back into work (as a registered nurse) after trying to be 'normal' for a few months I was a wreck. Couldn't think clearly, wasnt sleeping. Nor eating well, Tearful and generally feeling rubbish. I broke down and spoke to my line manager. She was amazing. Told me to go straight home and give myself time to heal properly. I had another 5 weeks off and was so much better for it. It was like I just needed permission to still grieve. It does get easier. Honestly it does.x
I took off one week, but I wouldn't think any less of a woman who took off more. For me, work helps because it keeps me busy. I am also very close with my coworkers and it helps to talk about it with them. Everyone has been very supportive. I was offered more time off and given resources for FMLA if needed and counseling through work.
I may not feel as okay when my due date nears. I also have a coworker who is 6 weeks behind me... That may be difficult.
You take off what you need to take care of yourself. Grief comes and goes, there is no right or wrong way to handle it.
I lost my baby girl at 19 weeks April 30th I returned to work exactly 6 days later I felt as returning back to my normal routine would help me cope after all being at home would only makes things worse and make things much harder for me. I cry about it everyday but working also makes my days go by faster. My due date is in September and I know as the days go past it gets even tougher but at times I do feel stronger then other days. If you need time off then do what's best no one truly understands how hard it is sometimes.
I lost ds at 22 weeks and because he lived for an hour I was granted full maternity leave until after the coroners hearing (UK) so had 18 weeks and needed it as I work a risky job where I have to be fit for emotional and physically demanding things. It's different for every person. I went back to work a week after my due date as I took holiday not being able to face that as harder than anything else
I'm not sure where you are from, but in Canada a recent court decision determined miscarriage as a disability. There is nothing wrong with taking time off work to grieve. You shouldn't feel guilty and if tour employer has issue with it then they are a s*** ty employer (and could be violating your rights). I work in HR - feel free to contact me if you need support from an employment perspective.
Thanks to everyone for being brave and sharing their stories. I am so sorry for your losses.
Beautifulblue - I am from Scotland and haven't heard about this law but it sounds like a great one! My employers have been great at giving me the support and time I need but it's more just about my feelings of letting them down or ruining my future career progression. Probably silly but can't help it. I'm going to be working from home next week then easing myself back in to the office so I'll see how that goes. Due date is 6/6 so me and my SO are taking that off to think about our little girl and do something special ❤
The law in the uk sucks. Up to 24 weeks they don't consider a baby viable so you're not entitled to any leave other than compassionate and sick leave. I found and used the loophole as he lived for an hour. Don't worry about the impact taking time off will have. It'll be better for you and your career to go back when you're emotionally ready and can deal with issues rather than putting it off and having to have longer when things become a struggle. You need to come first not them. There's lots of jobs, lots of companies but only one you xx
Thanks so much. You are completely right and have made me feel much better ❤ I am going to try and use this experience to be a bit more selfish and our my own needs first cause you never know when you can run out of time huh xxx
I'm so sorry for your loss, I Miscarried and had a D & C Thursday my employer asked me to come in today (Monday). Originally I got up thinking I could do it but I just broke down because today would've been a day we had an ultrasound at 11 week +4 days and I just couldn't do it. I don't know when I'll be able to. ?
deleted-user·
Sorry you are going through this huni. I did exactly the same when my first baby was ectopic 8 years ago. I had 4 weeks off post surgery. I was desperate to get back to normal and threw myself back into work (as a registered nurse) after trying to be 'normal' for a few months I was a wreck. Couldn't think clearly, wasnt sleeping. Nor eating well, Tearful and generally feeling rubbish. I broke down and spoke to my line manager. She was amazing. Told me to go straight home and give myself time to heal properly. I had another 5 weeks off and was so much better for it. It was like I just needed permission to still grieve. It does get easier. Honestly it does.x
deleted-user·
I took off one week, but I wouldn't think any less of a woman who took off more. For me, work helps because it keeps me busy. I am also very close with my coworkers and it helps to talk about it with them. Everyone has been very supportive. I was offered more time off and given resources for FMLA if needed and counseling through work.
I may not feel as okay when my due date nears. I also have a coworker who is 6 weeks behind me... That may be difficult.
You take off what you need to take care of yourself. Grief comes and goes, there is no right or wrong way to handle it.
deleted-user·
I lost my baby girl at 19 weeks April 30th I returned to work exactly 6 days later I felt as returning back to my normal routine would help me cope after all being at home would only makes things worse and make things much harder for me. I cry about it everyday but working also makes my days go by faster. My due date is in September and I know as the days go past it gets even tougher but at times I do feel stronger then other days. If you need time off then do what's best no one truly understands how hard it is sometimes.
deleted-user·
I lost ds at 22 weeks and because he lived for an hour I was granted full maternity leave until after the coroners hearing (UK) so had 18 weeks and needed it as I work a risky job where I have to be fit for emotional and physically demanding things. It's different for every person. I went back to work a week after my due date as I took holiday not being able to face that as harder than anything else
deleted-user·
I'm not sure where you are from, but in Canada a recent court decision determined miscarriage as a disability. There is nothing wrong with taking time off work to grieve. You shouldn't feel guilty and if tour employer has issue with it then they are a s*** ty employer (and could be violating your rights). I work in HR - feel free to contact me if you need support from an employment perspective.
Danielle Cooper-Lowden·
Thanks to everyone for being brave and sharing their stories. I am so sorry for your losses.
Beautifulblue - I am from Scotland and haven't heard about this law but it sounds like a great one! My employers have been great at giving me the support and time I need but it's more just about my feelings of letting them down or ruining my future career progression. Probably silly but can't help it. I'm going to be working from home next week then easing myself back in to the office so I'll see how that goes. Due date is 6/6 so me and my SO are taking that off to think about our little girl and do something special ❤
deleted-user·
The law in the uk sucks. Up to 24 weeks they don't consider a baby viable so you're not entitled to any leave other than compassionate and sick leave. I found and used the loophole as he lived for an hour. Don't worry about the impact taking time off will have. It'll be better for you and your career to go back when you're emotionally ready and can deal with issues rather than putting it off and having to have longer when things become a struggle. You need to come first not them. There's lots of jobs, lots of companies but only one you xx
Danielle Cooper-Lowden·
Thanks so much. You are completely right and have made me feel much better ❤ I am going to try and use this experience to be a bit more selfish and our my own needs first cause you never know when you can run out of time huh xxx
deleted-user·
I'm so sorry for your loss, I Miscarried and had a D & C Thursday my employer asked me to come in today (Monday). Originally I got up thinking I could do it but I just broke down because today would've been a day we had an ultrasound at 11 week +4 days and I just couldn't do it. I don't know when I'll be able to. ?
Danielle Cooper-Lowden·
Wow I can't belive they would want you to go in that soon after! I hope you are taking some time out to look after yourself xxx