Okay ladies, what do YOU think? :/
Okay ladies, what do YOU think? :/
So I'm currently 14 weeks pregnant and I have an 8 month old son. I was offered a really good job about a month ago and I accepted it. It starts on the 15th of this month. I've been a stay at home mom since the birth of my son. My sister has always been the biggest influence on my life and my best friend since we were children. I'm absolutely heartbroken at what just happened between us. She called me a bad mother for wanting to go back to work, saying I was an idiot for letting a stranger raise my child, and then she made some comment about how pregnant women don't need to be working anyway. She doesn't have any children and doesn't want any. That's her choice and I've always respected that. I will, of course, miss my son terribly while I'm away from him, but I feel it's the best thing for us. We are struggling so bad financially that I'm overly stressed with partial bill payments and lack of money for grocery shopping. I cannot get government assistance unless I lie about the way things are, and I absolutely refuse to do that, though my sister says I should. My living arrangement is unusual, and I can understand her worrying about that, but that's another matter completely. I know many, many mothers that work, and many pregnant women that work. I, myself, worked my entire first pregnancy, up until the day I was admitted to the hospital (early and unexpectedly). What are your ladies' take on me wanting to return to work? Am I being stupid to do so with a baby and another on the way?
deleted-user·
Well. I went back to work after having my daughter because our current lifestyle relies on two incomes but mostly because I enjoy my career. I plan on working until about a week before my due date.
Personally, I don't feel like strangers are raising my child. The teachers at the Montessori school my daughter attends are not strangers - I made sure to get I know them before enrolling my daughter. As well, my daughter has grown a lot through her exposure to other kids, adults and experiences. They have French class, gymnastics lessons, a yoga room, piano lessons, and a garden. She has become less shy, more verbal, and developed her motor skills at a quicker rate than when I was home with her.
By saying all this I am in no way demeaning the stay at home parents - I did that for 13 months and it was wonderful. I'm just saying that placing your child in the right daycare can also be a good parenting decision, if that's what your current situation dictates.
deleted-user·
You're being responsible, not stupid!
deleted-user·
I think that if if you are being wise with your money (and it sounds like you are) and you have to go to work then that is what you need to do. Bear in mind that when this second one comes along, child care will cost a minimum of $1800 a month (for both) unless you have an aunt or grandmother to do it for free. If your net pay check is only for example $2000 a month then working will not be worth your while. The thing I can't stand is when both husband and wife drive huge expensive SUV's, have a huge house and go on expensive vacations and then tell you they can't afford for the wife to stay at home.
gullible.the.dinosaur·
Мама сына-младенца, беременна (16 нед.)
Thank you ladies! Your responses definitely have reassured me that I'm doing the right thing for my family. Child care will run us roughly 400 a month. A friend of ours' mother watches children. She's a wonderful person and my son loves her. She's also doing it for a discount of what she normally charges. I just wish my sister wasn't so stubborn. She's definitely not one open to other points of view. If you don't do things the way she thinks, then you're automatically wrong.
deleted-user·
For $400 it is definitely worth it and won't place a financial burden on you so go for it!!! I understand how upsetting it must be to have a family member that judges you. I have a sister who won't talk to me anymore because I had in vitro fertilization and she accused me of "aborting" embryos even though we used all of our embryos.
deleted-user·
In the uk if you lie about your situation to get government help you can end up going to jail.
So put it like this, you're giving up a couple of hours a day with you child to earn a better life for her instead of potentially facing months away from her when you'll be no financial help at all.
You're doing the right thing by going back to work, being a stay at home mum is a wonderful thing if practical but you're making a decision to benefit your family
deleted-user·
Wow! She sounds like she's stuck back in the 50's or something and thinks we should be barefoot and pregnant at home. I have a problem with anyone telling me how they think I should run my life/home. Frankly, it pisses me off. Sorry I would have probably told her come back talk to me when she has a family, including kids, to take care of. Until then, kiss my ass unless she's going to start paying my bills and feeding my kids! Just recently they said as of 2013, the average cost to raise a child until the age of 18 is a $245,000! Unless she wants to drop you $500K, tell her mind her business. http://money.cnn.com/2014/08/18/pf/child-cost/
deleted-user·
Some moms work. Some moms don't. As long as it works for you and your family go for it! While your sister is someone of importance to you, it sounds like she has no valuable input in this situation because she hasn't been in it. Working will bring income, allow your child a chance to interact with other children and give you an opportunity to interact with fellow adults during the day. You are doing what you feel is best your family because you are a responsible mother! Rock on and good for you!
deleted-user·
I think if it makes sense financially, absolutely do it and don't feel guilty! It's cheaper for me to stay home with our kids because my husband is military and the only daycare we would ever consider is on base and is $600 a month for one child. We have one car that is paid off, and live on base so we don't pay any utilities or rent. So we're able to put away about $800 a month for college funds and savings. For us, that's a lot. If I worked we'd have to get a new car (we refuse to buy used. Our cars HAVE to have five star safety ratings for the kiddos too) and I'd need an SUV, gas for that car, then two kids in expensive daycare. It would eat my entire paycheck so it's completely pointless. For most people, this is not the case. Don't EVER feel guilty for doing something that will help our your family.