My mum and dad got divorced when I was 9 and spent most of their marriage hating each other. My mum cheated on my dad quite blatantly so I'm sure that the marriage certificate was just a bit of paper to her because she certainly didn't keep her marriage vows.

Lol snark is fine! ?

My husband refers to them as "Snark Attacks".

(? I know, dumb, but I crack up every time!)

To me yes marriage is way more then a piece of paper. In my faith n culture we don't move in with our partner n start a family before marriage. It all begins after marriage. So to us it's a life time commitment with our partner.

Sorry, that was snarky. I hadn't had my coffee yet. Lol. I'm in Canada, common law is recognized in all provinces here

I love your pic Janel! ?

Also yes, common law marriages are valid legal marriages in 16 states. That is correct.

A common law marriage is a marriage, whether the piece of paper exists or not. Okay? Okay ?

May I be blunt for once on Bb?

?☕️??

I see some people here are being their usual selves.

Don't like the idea of marriage? Then you and your significant partner (bf/gf) don't have to make that level of a commitment. Okay? Okay! ??

(Not saying people that aren't married can't be deeply committed, it just isn't marriage.)

@EK @yaya

Said it. ?

When my dh and I got married we took our marriage license to a notary that he was friends with and did it that way. No ceremony, no vows. I didn't want a wedding because I don't like being the center of attention and all that fuss. I was never one of those little girls that dreamed of her wedding day. I'm not religious so I didn't feel the need to declare anything in front of anyone or have a preacher or church involved at all. My marriage is more than a piece of paper in the grand scheme of it all but it does not mean my relationship is better, worth more, or whatever than someone who isn't married to their partner. You don't have to be married to be in a life long commitment. If it works for you and your family then that's all that matters.

????

If it's condescending to say someone doesn't fully understand something until they've experienced it then sure, I'm being condescending. ??

I was never interested in marriage, my parents ( married for 30 + years) argued A LOT when I was growing up. I just didnt think it was for me.

Me and my husband have been together for 16 years this year and married for 3. I never expected it as we were already really tight, but honestly marriage changed us / our relationship for the better.

I agree with EK on this one.

How does this work if god forbid something happens to your fiance/long term life partner if something happened like if they get very sick, life threatening decisions, or even death does the significant other take responsibility the same as a legally married couple. (Genuine question)

To me it is a piece of paper; and I'm married! This does not devalue my marriage or anyone else's. It is just how I see it because to me a commitment is so much more than any vow I could ever say out loud.. and I have said them. We were together for 5 years and engaged for 4 the day we got married. We had lived together for 4 years and he is who my kids refer to as their dad. There was nothing a piece of paper could have done for my particular relationship that would have made us more "married" than we already were in my eyes except make it legally binding. We got married because it was more important to my husband that we do it than it was to me to not do it. But no, I didn't wake up the next day and feel any change nor any new sense of commitment.

I think marriage is a beautiful thing and I cry at every wedding I've been to; I believe in the vows. I just don't think you HAVE to say them in order to be as committed as anyone who has said them is. I could walk away from my relationship at minute but I won't because I am in love with him and I am committed to us, NOT because I'm married. All being married did was make it a hell of a lot more messy and expensive should either of us ever decide to leave. It didn't make me think "crap now I can't leave. I'm married." The commitment is outside of those vows, outside of that paper. I loved the idea of being together forever and was perfectly content to never marry.. but it mattered to my husband that we do and THAT mattered to me.

I don't mean this is any way to speak for anyone else; this is just my opinion for my relationship. I am happy for all of you who find such pride in saying the vows and understand those of you who just don't feel that you need to. I love, love!

Marriage definitely changed my relationship, and I never thought it would. We've been together for 6 years, lived together for 4 years, had a baby 1.5 years before marriage, and yet still it is just different.

We both feel it, like we're closer than ever..? Idk it's so hard to explain but there's no denying it.

I don't see marriage necessary just something 'nice' that's there if you want as a couple. I personally wouldn't get married but I would have no problem with getting married. To each their own though.??‍♀️

Traditionally marriage means more because people didn't used to live together and have kids before saying "I do" now people (myself included) tend to work backwards. I personally wish I would've waited for a lifelong commitment before having kids and sharing my whole life with someone. My parents have been married 35 years they dated, married, moved in together, then had kids. I look up to their relationship a lot if they viewed it as just a piece of paper they wouldn't have made it this far.

Love it EK

I know that for our relationship nothing would change. Maybe that's different for some people and that's fine. No disrespect to the married folks. In my opinion a marriage is a legally binding agreement saying you'll stay together. We don't need that. We've had rough patches and times when it would have been easy to walk away but we've worked it out and stayed together every time because we're both 100% committed to each other and our family. To me that is a marriage.

Do it. LOL I promise you, nothing will change. And that's 100% because of our attitudes toward marriage view it as it is: a contract.

Lol!!!!@EK

Marriage is a contract of our hearts. It's the vows of commitment in spirit and in love. Can two walk together except they be agreed. Its the vow/agreement to each other..being harmonious in TRUTH and in love.

*makes mental note to check back in with Tasha in October*

Kidding! ? I don't think it'll be 100% more meaningful all of a sudden (and I don't think anyone is arguing that), but I do think you'll be surprised at how your relationship and bond changes.

Idk... the relationship and commitment DH and I have developed since getting married last year has really matured and gotten even better than it was before. Getting married really did change things for us. It changed our mindset.

Talk to me in 5 months. I 100% guarantee that my relationship with my fiancé won't be suddenly 100% more meaningful because we had a wedding.

Ehh, I don't think marriage is just a piece of paper; however, having a legal document is not what considers people to be married everywhere else in the world and I wouldn't consider them to be any less married than someone who has one.

No shade at all k but if you're going to live your life as if you are...Why not take that leap of faith? Because truthfully no matter how you put it or feel you two pretty much are married..you are actually not..just sayin...its painless y'all...Tie that knot so you can go eat cake already lol...being a Mr and Mrs. is truly beautiful...it's always been..it's just interesting how in time it's not really viewed as such..that it's really of no importance.....always remember though..never let someone else's misfortunes misguide your future.

I'd like to clarify, I didn't say that unmarried couples weren't committed to each other. I said it's not a marriage and that marriage is not a piece of paper.

My husband & I lived together for 7 years before getting married. We had joint bank accounts, made big purchases together in both our names, went through ups & downs, etc. We very much acted like we were married & I thought back then that we pretty much were. It was only when we actually got married that I realized how much more connected we were & how much deeper our love was than before. It was something I couldn't have known or understood until it happened.

It's not just a piece of paper or a ring -- to say it is just devalues the commitment that two people made to each other. It's kind of like calling someone's kid a tax deduction. Wildly inaccurate, mildly insulting & pretty silly.

Unmarried people don't understand the bond of marriage in the same way people without kids don't understand how much love a parent has for their kids. It's something you don't get until you've done it. Not trying to devalue anyone else's relationship. But making a lifelong commitment to another person whether it's in a religious ceremony or a courthouse ceremony, whether it's in front of hundreds of people or just an officiant -- it creates a bond that is difficult to understand regardless of how long you've been with someone or how much you've gone through, in my opinion.

Do some people not take it as seriously as others? Yes. Do some long term relationships outlive marriages? Absolutely. Each couple's situation is unique. Again, I'm not devaluing what others have, but I firmly believe it's something you can't understand until you've experienced it. ??‍♀️

I guess my issue is with the implication that people who aren't married don't have the same kind of bond or commitment that married people do. When people ask why we're not married the answer is we choose not to get married, not that it's just a piece of paper. We're as devoted to each other as a couple can be and getting legally married wouldn't change that in my opinion

But I tell my partner daily what he means to me, we made promises/vows to each other the moment we decided to have a child. Does that make my relationship less because I didnt say it in front of friends and family and didn't celebrate them? I don't think so. My parents are married, my grandparents are married, all my aunts are married, so Im surrounded by people who feel it means something, doesnt make my relationship viewed as any less. If my partner and I split tomorrow we could still demand half from one another in a court of law.

@yaya, you said it better than I could. That's what I was trying to say.

A marriage LICENSE is just a piece of paper. The root of a marriage lies in the vows spoken, out loud, in front of witnesses. Those vows are what bind a couple into a marriage. Words have meaning, at least they should. When I vowed myself to my husband, I didn't care about the legality of it. I don't think the government has any right to a place in marriage ceremonies. It's the ceremony that matters. That's why we have receptions afterwards. To celebrate the ceremony. Unfortunately, younger generations have lost the ritual, meaning, and value of ceremonies. But that doesn't lessen their original intent.

A marriage is not a piece of paper. The paper has nothing to do with it. A marriage is the vows spoken. Without that, it's not a marriage.

I don't mind if people don't want to get married. It's their choice. As long as they don't try telling me my marriage is a piece of paper because my marriage means a lot to me. It's not about it being a piece of paper, it's about the bond we share and the promises we made. If we lose the piece of paper, we won't suddenly be divorce or separated. We will still be together like we promise to be for the rest of our lives.

See I don't say things about people who are married or actually go around telling people it's just a piece of paper, and am happy to share in other people's joy when they decide to get married. But saying that unmarried people can't possibly understand the bond married people have is kind of bs. I think being together for half our lives and being through thick and thin together is basically the same. We definitely have that bond. I guess someone who thinks a piece of paper will bond them for life couldn't understand that. We don't believe in God so I guess I don't understand that part of it

@janel, oh thanks. I wasn't sure if that was the case or not.

@yessie you don't have to divorce but you do still have right as far as custody of children, division of assets, that sort of thing

Hi married person here and my marriage is just a piece of paper.

I thought I was going to have a faithful partner in life instead I got a cheat who feels his friends and drugs are where its at. Where we live it takes forever to process a divorce so yeah sometimes marriage is just a piece of paper in my case one I wish I didn't have

I don't believe in marriage, there for should I not believe in money? Marriage has different values to each and every individual, Im happy to talk to any of my friends and family about how much I love my oh and our plans for life together, doing that in a church or office isn't of value to me. I'm not religious at all, so what's the point in me declaring my love and commitment to my oh Infront of "god" or in an office Infront of friends and family. We have a family, a home and plan to spend forever together, I don't need a ring on my finger to show that and oh couldn't wear one due to work. To me it is just piece of paper and a lot of phone calls for someone to change their name on everything.

I have a question, if you are common law married do you still have to get a divorce? Or you can just separate without getting one?

Only unmarried people refer to it as just a piece of paper. They couldn't possibly understand the bond that comes with being married since they aren't. Being together for a long time & being married are not the same.

To me it is just a piece of paper. My so and I are coming up on 16 years together. We have a daughter and one on the way. I consider our relationship a marriage. We've never actually gotten married because we're not religious or traditional about it. But our partnership isn't any less valid because we don't have that piece of paper. I understand why an actual legal marriage means more to some people though

I have been common-lawed with my fiancé for the last 3 years. By legal, governmental, and personal standards, we are married. Actually having our wedding and getting a marriage license is just a piece of paper to us. It may be different if I lived in a place where common-law wasn't a thing, but since legally, we are considered married already, getting that license is a celebration of our relationship, not an actual binding of our lives together.

I personally find that having our son bound us together more than being common-law or getting married.

I'm with @Ria, my marriage is more than a piece of paper. It's a vow we both took, before God, to commit to each other for life.

I don't know about everyone else's marriage but "my" marriage is absolutely more than a piece of paper...if you think different fine but just because "your" marriage doesn't mean anything more than, literally nothing has changed for you two because you didn't get married and you've been just straight "living" together for so long or maybe you're in a marriage where you don't feel its of much value because of issues..don't put everyone in the same boat. We didn't marry the same ppl, grew up with different values so of course we wouldn't all think of marriage as a literal bond...but truthfully it is. It's about it being a contract of your hearts not a contract of a literal piece of paper.