Hey mamas I need some help

Hey mamas I need some help

Hey mamas I'm having a bad day today and need some suport. I tried to call a postpartum depression hotline but I got an answer machine. My daughter Neosha is the same age as my daughter Lauryne when I slept my last night with her. And I can't help but feel like any night could be my last night with Neosha. I miss my baby. I know she's happy and safe. But still I miss her so dearly. I've been crying since her 2nd birthday which was on the 17th. I know that my decision was for the best but I still wish I wouldn't of had to make it. Neosha is so special to me. I just miss my Lorny Loo. You know she doesn't even recognise me when I see her. That breaks my heart. I can't stop crying. I need help. I need to find a way to live through the month of July and October. It's so hard and now this year is even worse. Because Neosha is that age. Last week Neosha was the same age as Lauryne when I was transitioning her to bottle. And just pumping for her. I keep thinking about her hating me for giving her up. And what I'm suppose to do when that happens. I wonder if Luke and Neosha will hate me for giving thier sister up. I love and miss her so much. Today is a bad day. ...??