Hello! Apologies if I’m not in the right place but I thought it may be a good place to start.

Hi! ? I recognize you from the twins and more forum! I have 12 month old twin boys and often visit that thread.

I’m certainly happy to share my perspective as someone who has used donor eggs. I was 38 when I started ttc. Silly me, I am well read and educated, but still believed I’d have no trouble conceiving naturally in my late 30’s. I gave birth to a son a day shy of 40, conceived naturally with I now refer to as my golden egg. After 3 miscarriages, we enlisted the help of an RE when I was 45. Donor egg was our only option. After medical and psych screening and a trial run in hormones, I met with a staff member who presented me biographies and photos of maybe 12 women. The pool of candidates would have been much larger, but we were very specific with our preferences regarding age, race, ethnicity, and level of education and we wanted to do a fresh transfer which required the donor to live near by and be available for syncing of cycles and a mutually convenient transfer date. The clinic prescreened each of these women to ensure they were appropriate donor candidates - age (average age seemed low, maybe 23) mental and physical health of themselves and immediate family, low bmi, genetic screen. In my own research, preference seemed to be given to women who have previously been successful in 1) donating 2) that donation lead to a successful pregnancy. We selected a woman who had not previously donated, thinking everyone is new on their 1st attempt at something. The donor would received $8000 upon completion of egg extraction, regardless of the number and quality of eggs that resulted. This is probably a good time to mention, age of the donor was probably the most important thing for us. My eggs were old and that caused us 3 heartbreaking miscarriages. We didn’t want that pain again, especially since the DEIVF process cost so much, so we wanted a young woman who would be likely to give us healthy eggs. Our relationship with the donor was anonymous. The clinic followed strict protocols to protect our identities. To this day, I have no idea who she is aside from a now 26 year old women who is lovely in appearance, college educated, seeking a career in healthcare and musically gifted.

After we selected our donor, everything from there worked out beautifully, as if it was meant to be. Our cycles were easily synced. She gave us 10 mature, healthy eggs. We did a fresh transfer, fertilizing them and then transferring 2. I got pregnant on my 1st attempt and that is the story of how I got my darling boys. ? ?

I have 2 photos of her from the day we screened the candidates - the clinic let me have a photocopy. Each time I see her photo, I am reminded of the gift she gave our family. Her photo always moves me to say a prayer and send her blessings.

I have no regrets that we used DE. I’ve always believed that there are multiple ways to get from “A” to “B.” Our path was a little more challenging than most, but it makes me cherish my children that much more.

I hope this lengthy description helps and am glad to answer questions.

Beth

Hello Beth!

Thank you! That was a lot of helpful information and I great in-site into the other side of it all.

Yes I’m a bit of an over-sharer when it comes to the girls! How are your boys? It goes so fast doesn’t it?!

In the UK is all anonymous so the recipient only gets basic information of the donor. They thing people keep asking me is do I mind that in 18 years time there may be a person knocking at my door as the receive all information about you once they turn 18. In my mind they wouldn’t be turning up (if that’s what they chose to do) to demand why I gave them up (like an adoption type situation) I would be giving another lady a gift of children....if that makes any sense!

Is this similar to what happens with you? Could you boys find out your donor when they are older? Xx

As an anonymous process, we signed a contract that my kids have no option to identity the donor and we will not try to seek her out.

Good luck to you!!! ?

As part of our DE process we met with a psychologist who specializes in third party reproduction. She noted that, unlike children of sperm donors, very few are interested in finding their egg donor. They’re not sure why there’s a big discrepancy between the two but she supposed it’s because the IP carries and births them, as well as the mother/child connection, which is different from the father/child one.

Ours was also anonymous but the donor asked for the possibility of her son getting info about their sibling later on. It’s not something we negotiated into our contract, leaving it up to us to share detains down the line via the agency, and for the donor to accept it and pass it on. We did have an obligation to notify the agency of a pregnancy and again of a live birth.

Yes in the U.K. it law for them to gain your information (if they so wish) at 18 years old.

That’s my thought. They wouldn’t be demanding answers as the donation is self explanatory....I would be donating to help someone else have a child. Completely altruistically!

With such few donors in the U.K. this is the main off putting thing for women which is a real shame! X