How do you update! Politely tell someone to back off? Mil has calmed down as far as undermining my…

Politely tell someone to back off? Mil has calmed down as far as undermining my authority with my kids. However she still is blowing up our phones wanting to know every appt date and time. Then the days or weeks leading up to it she blows up our phones reminding us. She lives in another state. We missed one appt for ds because I was really sick and I can only drive. So now she thinks she needs to know everything. Last week I kind of went off on her and told her to stop disrespecting me as the wife of her son. She doesn't need to know appt dates and times and every other detail of our lives. It's just bothering me. I have a calendar and planner where everything is written down. She told me not to threaten her with cutting off contact. I said I did no such thing but I will not be letting you know every detail of everything. I'm an adult and so is dh. We don't need to be reminded every second so now since that convo she only blows up dh's phone. She is going behind my back and doing it. I feel disrespected. Dh says she just cares about us. Which is true but she does not need to be so controlling. So how to I politely tell her AGAIN to back off?

Edit: also if I'm coming off as a batch to anyone my previous posts about mil explain all the s*** I've had to deal with. I am 99% sure she is a narcissist.

Update: so I feel terrible but mil has moved her attention to bil. He and his wife are expecting. They just told them today and the comments have already started and she's only like 7 weeks! lol I told her to make boundaries clear before the baby is born.

I'm of no help..I just wanted to say I feel your pain. I had to deal with my MIL today...I swear she purposely comes over when my husbands at work ?

I told him about how I feelings. He just said. Yeah I get it. Wtf he is so messed up from how she has always treated him (scapegoat) he just takes it. She better get her s*** together. Her oldest (golden child) has cut contact. Her other son (middle child) is newly married and his wife is calling her out on her s*** . He is realizing he cannot be treated the way she treats him. And if she continues they'll probably cut her off too. But dh feels bad and doesn't want to cut her off. I told him I have a say too as far as our children. If she continues to be like this you can continue to talk to her but she will not be seeing or talking to her grandchildren. She needs to be held responsible for her behavior. So many people just deal with her because that's how she is. I'm sorry that's not right.

I'm going to have a serious conversation with dh. He needs to tell her to back off or he will end up loosing me. I'm not dealing with her s*** if he doesn't say anything. I am an adult. I do not need to be controlled.

I understand how you feel but if she's truly a Narcissistic person, telling her to butt out will not work. There is no way to get through to those kind of people. My egg donor (mother) who i cut off a year ago because i was tired of the abuse and she turned my oldest daughter against me decided to get in touch through my business Facebook page and start abusing me again out of the blue and said some very nasty things.

You'll have to let your hubby deal with her from now on if she is truly a Narcissistic person. In the end he'll see exactly what you're talking about and may put his foot down more.

I understand its annoying but she is currently calling her son and he doesnt mind. So let it be. Its his mom and he doesnt see an issue with her calls on his phone.

That's the thing pp he turns around and asks me all the questions she's asking him because he doesn't know the dates and times and what not. He does get annoyed. He just says it's how she is though.

It would annoy me too, he knows ur done with her calls and u straightened it up with her. I would tell him that if he wants to keep answering her every question and the constant reminders (which im sure is annoying as hell) then its upto him but not to involve u with her questions and he should remember the time, date etc.

Going through something similar with my MIL so I feel your pain.

I'd be having a talk with my DH because his mom doesn't need to know our every appointment and that's annoying. If he asked I'd tell him he needs to set up boundaries with his mom and I'm not telling him shat cause thats none of her business.

Him allowing it makes you out to be the bad guy. You guys need to be a united front.

I'd say the problem lies more with him at this point with this.

The problem is your husband, your mils behaviour wouldn't matter or affect you if he wasn't allowing it.....

I'd tell him to remove himself from her nipple or your done, I remember your posts and this would be the last straw for me...

I'd be telling him that your done with her controlling abusive behaviour and if he doesn't stand up for you and your children then you will leave and he can be married to his mommy.

While paying child support and alimony.

He can choose, be married to you or his mommy he can't be married to both.

If he chooses you he needs to see a leave and cleave councillor, and it would be a good idea to go to marriage counceling too.

I agree he needs to stand up to her. It may be some of my fault because I have expressed my feelings in a sort of nonchalant way. Maybe he doesn't realize how much I am angry about it. I will be talking with his. And making sure he realizes this is a problem and I'm sick of it. He feels bad because his parents are sick and is afraid he doesn't have much time with them. I understand but she cannot be enabled anymore to act like a controlling batch. Thank you ladies.

I would not tell dh the apt. Just be vague about it when he asks say oh next wek, or oh next month. Missing cause your sick is not like u forgot about it. Or straight out tell dh I am not telling you cause you will tell your mom and it's none of her business she is not taking care of the kids I am.