Every Day It's Something

As stressful as the situation is, that last sentence in the post sounds like you just want to get rid of him. Possibly take him to a therapist to have him discuss the issue or maybe even removing the mom from his life and trying to be more active with him would be the way to go. Having a parent leave and come back is very hard on children, really need to be patient with them. I had a friend with a kid whose father was constantly coming in and out of his life and it was affecting him really bad until my friend finally said no more and had the therapist write a letter to the courts that the father was doing more damage than good to the child. She had to go through all the emotional stuff with the kid and she was a great mom just didn't want to see her kid suffer anymore... Speak to his father and see what he wants to do together to fix the situation, maybe do more activities together as a family and stuff.

You can't just send a kid back.... even biological children can be nightmares. A child's not just for Christmas lol!

Part of becoming a blended family can also mean taking on some baggage and with DH comes his child as a package and you chose him. So now what needs doing is he needs to help/ support you and you both need to have a United front upheld in front of SS6 and clear ways of talking to him and curbing this behaviour decided and agreed on by the both of you. This child could love you and you could love this child ...

I'm confuse! Weren't you just celebrating like less than 24 hours that ya'll won full physical custody?

What changed in less than a day?

No what I meant to say was that to SS6 it seems like she showed up and then disappeared again. She didn't, he just lives with us primarily but he doesn't understand that. We are on good terms with Hex and hope to keep it that way. It's helping SS6 with his behavior that we are having trouble with. I take him to the park and out in town. I try my best to treat him like he's my own. I tell him that I love him like he's my son and that I love him exactly the same as our DS. And we used to have a good relationship. He doesn't like me now because Hex constantly PAS'ed him.

This little boy literally just came into your life last month. So I know why he's acting up.

You're all of sudden demanding and becoming a rule marker and what not instead of trying to ease him into your home.

So I see why he's annoyed by you. Just take a chill pill and calm down. It's literally something with you everyday.

Relax ma'am!!! And take that boy to therapy rather than BB doctors because they can't help you like a therapy would.

Smh

I totally agree with you. And I will be going to the school tomorrow in order to make sure that that's all cleared up. I don't want them taking that the wrong way. She has been coming and going and they already know that so that's why I said that. They are fully aware of our situation. And I also acknowledge that I said it out of frustration and anger and I guess I didn't think of how it would come off. It is also because SS6 still views it as her ditching him so that's why he acts this way and the school knows this. But that's not how I came off sounding so thank you for pointing that out to me. I mess up too. And I'm still learning.

Yes, unfortunately, you're thinking of the right person. Things are crazy here right now. He needs love and stability and I'm trying my best.

I'll admit that I am frustrated with Hex because she wants to drive up and see him whenever she's off of work and then SS doesn't understand why she leaves again. I want him to see his mom, I just want him to know when she'll be coming and going so he stops getting so upset and acts out. We already agreed with Hex if she's free she's more than welcome to drive up and visit even if it's not on her scheduled time with him. We are just trying to figure things out and I feel frustrated because things are so unstable for everyone.

Hopefully things will continue to improve with Hex and we can build a better relationship with her. She's certainly trying and so are we.

I'm not perfect. I get pissed off and I know I need to work on my patience with SS. I'm just tired all the time from our newborn and everything that's going on in our lives.

This is what I meant by regret. Lol

Seriously though, he just went through a LOT! I'm not defending punk kids. I have two, one is mine. They are both screwed up by their other parents. But before you write him off you must get him in counseling. I also suggest (from experience) you and dh seek personal and/or couples counseling on how you can help him and maintain a solid relationship because this will take a toll. Dh and I are amazing as a couple, but the stress in our life is hurting us. Not in a way that will cause divorce, but just we are both so overwhelmed we can't even tag team like we used to. Used to be able to say, "I'm too stressed I need you to do tonight," and back and forth but neither can "do" tonight anymore and we are worn down. We love each other but are more like two soldiers in a hole battling the enemy. You can't live without them but you're certainly not relaxing and snuggling. Does that make sense? Get ahead of it. Both with ss getting help and y'all getting help. Please please please take this from someone 4 years ahead of you.

As for school, ask about getting a 504 behavior plan. It puts safety measures in place and they are involved in helping him with coping mechanisms in school. It'll help.

He definitely needs counseling and I agree with mish, a 504 behavior plan could be helpful too.

He needs lots of love, patience and positive attention right now. It can also to label his feelings for him - ie "I know you must be feeling really confused and angry at all the changes going on lately. Do you want to talk about it?"

And if he misses his mom, have him draw pictures or write letters to her. I've found it's easier on them than phone calls which can get very emotional.

We just started couples counseling a few weeks ago and it's helping. Our councilor is also a stepmom which is absolutely amazing! And we will most-definitely be looking into some counseling for him. Thank y'all.