Anyone else get sad
Anyone else get sad that certain family members choose to never spend time with their kids? My MIL always says she’s going to spend all this time with dd and never does. She says I can ask her for help or to babysit but when I do she never responds to my texts or voicemails. Last Saturday she called and said she was on vacation all week and wanted to spend time with her grandchild and help me out since I’m pregnant. She never tried once, even when I sent a text mid week asking if she wanted to spend time with dd. I saw her today and I said “I thought you were going to spend time with London last week.” Her response was “it was just so cold out last week.” She might as well have just said because she didn’t feel like it... what kind of excuse is that?! She only lives 20 minutes and she only works until 1pm everyday and has Wednesday’s and weekends off. I can’t force anyone to be in my kids life but it makes me sad for my children and my SO because I can tell it bothers him as well.
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I do. My family doesn’t come to see dd. My older brother and his wife were my only sibling to come see my dd for Christmas out of 5 siblings. And everyone lives close, no more than 15 minutes away (Not going to my mothers since my bad sister lives there) It’s heart breaking.
After I placed my son for adoption my dad pressured me to have another child. Now he doesn’t make time to come see her. I’ve lived in my house for 2 years and he hasn’t even stepped inside. I’m ready to release any expectation I have of ‘family’ and just worry about what’s in my home.
My mother is like that. All over pictures and stuff she comments "Grandmas baby girl" but never tries to see her. Only spends time with her when I bring her over and I'm there. Even then she sits and watches t.v the whole time. SO's mom is the opposite. Always all over our daughter. DD loves her nan.
Yes sos parents. It doesn’t bother me my parents are amazing grandparents to dd and ss. Pisses me off though because sos mom says it’s my fault that she doesn’t see them and that I keep them away. The only time she ever sees them is if we take her to them. The only reason we do is because so insists on it. He tried to make her involved but I personally would rather not have anyone involved who makes zero effort to see her grandkids . I was always open to it though . Told her she could come over whenever she wants we would invite her over and it was always excuses . So I don’t bother anymore. I would prefer if she would just go away completely .
FIL and stepMIL. They want pictures and mail them presents... but otherwise they can't be bothered. Too busy paying for their loser son and celebrating Trump. I remind ds their names when we drive 5 hours once a year to go visit them, but that's it - I don't show kids their photos, talk about them, stopped trying to video chat.. their loss
My grandma loves bragging about her grandkids and great grandkids, but she rarely interacts with us. She’s not very mobile and rarely travels from her little town, so we don’t see her much. I drove there (300+ miles) 4 years ago with my mom and son, but we can’t do that often. She’s coming over to visit my uncle soon, so she will probably come over to see my kids during her visit. I love her, but she’s a difficult person. She expects my mom, sister, or me to drop our lives and chauffeur her around. I work full time and take 2 classes a semester on top of raising 2 kids. My mom works full time and has show dogs that she has activities with. My sister is a SAHM but she does stuff like grow her own food and sew clothing, so she’s busy a lot. So my poor (retired) dad ends up being the one to hang out with her and drive her around. I love seeing her, but I can’t afford to go visit her in the foreseeable future.
Everyone is involved in my babies life except my parents. They live in a different state but still don’t bother to call or text. When my mom text it’s usually only for money or to tell me she’s getting married. My Dad is always drunk or high so when he calls he’s just lonely or mad., It used to make me sad but I now i Just accepted that’s who they are
My grandma made such a huge fuss when I was pregnant with my oldest. She was super excited to be getting another great granddaughter and this one lives close so she could spoil her. Yeah. I had dd1, she never called, came to the hospital or anything. She only saw dd for the first time because DH and I ran into her at the store. She never really was interested in seeing dd. Then I had my twins. Same thing. Texted saying she wanted to do all this stuff and blah blah blah. Yeah. They are 2.5 and she's never seen them before. (She's a hoarder and won't let anyone inside her house and she won't open the door more than a crack. Taking them to her is pointless and she would be livid I even tried.) I've invited her to their parties and events. She gives me BS excuses why she can't come but wants me to text her pictures. Last time she told me that I told my mom to not tell her anything about my girls or give her any pictures. Grandma has told me she shows those pictures off to all her church friends. She was basically making it seem like she was super present and active, yet has literally never even met my youngest 2! I've just wiped my hands of her at this point. Even if it hurts my heart.
Icing on the cake was I found out today my cousin and her dd are coming into town. They have all these plans and activities planned with who? My grandma. Who made the plans? My Grandma. ?
Makes me wish my Grandpa was still around. He wouldn't have done s*** like that.
I know exactly how you feel. My dad and my DF's dad don't come around often. My dad comes over maybe once every two months. Which I mean, I kind of understand. He doesn't live too close. But my DF's dad sees the girls maybe 4-5 times out of the whole year. Worst part? He lives 20 minutes away from us. ? I keep telling myself I can't make them be a part of our girls lives and I can't make them love our girls like my DF and I do. But when they do come over on those rare occasions, I don't want them questioning me as to why they're super shy around them and/or want to go hide in their rooms. Nope. Not going to have that. I just figure it's their loss.
@EK that’s exactly what my MIL and FIL do! They shove a damn camera in my child’s face to post pictures on Facebook to make themselves look good and then they ignore him. I honestly snapped at them when they came a few days before Christmas. We warned them DS was really sick. They showed up anyways and then tried to force him to take pictures so they’d have some to post on Facebook. ? I told them to put the cameras up or leave because my child was absolutely miserable. He had coughed so hard he busted blood vessels in his eyes, last thing he wants is to have a camera shoved in his face while he’s feeling so miserable.
My FIL lives less than 6 miles away and rarely sees ds. When I’m off I’ll text him and say “We’re going in to town later for errands. Want to meet at the coffee shop?” There’s always a reason why he can’t. Or I’ll invite him over for dinner. He can’t make that either. (He’s retired btw, not super busy either.) When he finally does see ds he takes picture and videos and sends them off to his sisters acting like grandpa of the year. Boils my blood.
@murdock that’s horrible I would have a hard time not freaking out on him if I was you.
I think I let it bother me more than it should. My dd and baby on the way are surrounded by so many people that love them that I know they won’t ever have to worry. At the same time though I have a grandma that was the same way and I don’t even speak to her now that I’m an adult.
Very sad. My boys grew up with the most loving and attentive grandma. She would have just about dropped anything to spend time with them. Last December we lost her suddenly and it breaks my heart that none of their other grandparents put in much time and effort at all.
Well my dad makes an effort, but he doesn't have much energy to keep up with them like she did. But he does spoil them :)
My inlaws see them 1-2x a year and when they do they often pay more attention to my husband than our kids. Sometimes I wish I could rent a grandma. She made them feel so special and loved and I miss that terribly.
I'm sorry that you all have to deal with that too...so sad that so many out there seem to be only capable of conditional love :(
My mom whines to me that she never gets to see her grandson. I live 10 minutes down the road... She knows I'm home most days. I don't normally have a car, so she can come to me whenever. I invite her to join us when we go to the mall every other week (maybe 5 mins from her house). Nope. Even had her babysit once a week for maybe 2 hours when my husband and i had overlapping schedules. She complained that it was too hard... So, that's fun. Basically my son sees her during holidays and same with the rest of our family.
My friend and her parents see my son more often since they're more willing to come over or hang out at events. Her family is more involved than mine or my husbands. (even her brothers are now considering my son as their nephew. Lol!) it's nice to have some sort of family interaction, even though its not blood related.
My MIL is like this. She lives 2 hours away but makes no effort. Half my family lives in the same town that she does and they always make time. I know it hurts dh too. She was really good with ds when he was little but has no relationship with dd. Didn't even see her when she was in the nicu and she was driving through our city for a stupid family reunion ? I'm obviously not a huge fan of hers lol
Sort of. My mother in law. She's always saying how my DD prefers my mom, how she loves me mom more. My mom came over everyday for the first 2 months go help me out, and then every few days after, up until now we see my mom at least 3 times a week. My mother in law doesn't really make an effort. She goes over to my sis in law (her daughter) at least once a week, my sis in law lives 2 minutes away from us, she never calls to see if I'm home to see my DD at least for a few minutes. It annoys me when she makes comments, but I keep my mouth shut and not respond to her. Honestly though my DD is better off without bering close to her, I get she's her grandmother but I don't really like the person my mother in law is.
My inlaws are exactly like this. But we don’t allow them to babysit for a few reasons. We will even bring our child to them and they act furious that we are even at their house (even though they’re the ones that invited us in the first place). They won’t interact with my child while we are there and will basically ignore him. It breaks my heart for my child and DH but it also infuriates me at the same time.
My SIL and I used to be really close. She got mad last year when I was pregnant with serious complications and dh couldn't spend as much time at the hospital with FIL as they wanted him to. She hasn't spoken to me since. She hasn't acknowledged ds once since he's been born. When we had the family Christmas this year, she didn't even speak to him. But she's the one missing out on and awesome little guy who won't care about her because she obviously doesn't care about him.