Separated during holidays

This might be long so thank you if you read through. First some back story. My family was my dad, mom, older sister, and i. In January 2015 my oldest sister went to collage 4 hours away from home, in May 2015 i moved out and with my SO, and in April my mom left my dad. In December the divorce was finalized. 1 month later my mom got remarried and got pregnant. I was 18 then and now im 22. Now to present time. My SO and i were talking about the holidays and everything we are going to do at my inlaws house and presents. I was so excited cause i love my inlaws i love going to his hometown cause that is were my sister and my mom live too. I then said "well my family is all going to be separated so we cant do gift exchange" after i said that i thought about it and it made me very sad. My mom and dad are on good terms and sometimes talk over the phone but he will never want to see her with my brother who is 2 years old now. Its been almost 4 years since we have all been together and it hurts so much to know we will never celebrate or be together anymore. In 2015 i was trying so hard to be strong during their separation. They were married 25 years. I was trying so hard not to show my emotions and after all this time its finally hitting and its hitting me hard. How do i deal with knowing we will never be together as a family. During happy moments and celebrations there will always be someone missing. Every year my mother goes to mexico with her husband. Usually Christmas but this year shes gone for thanksgiving and christmas. My dad will also be gone. My inlaws treat me like a daughter and im so thankful but its not the same as my family. I wish i could just have atleast 1 day together all of us but i know its not the same. I love my little brother and dont want to leave him out obviously but my dad just cannot see him not in hate but in sadness since he didn't want to get divorced and they tried for a baby for 10+ years and they couldn't. How can i cope with the idea than ill never see my family together like it used to be? What is the bright side to this? After all this time i hid my feeling for so long and now its coming at me and i dont know how to deal with it. Ill be ok then ill just cry to think that ill never get aleast one more memory of us being together. I wish i could go back to the last time we were together and just save the whole day in my memory.

I think that in some ways, it’s harder when parents divorce once you’re an adult. My parents split up when I was 11 and I’ve had almost 2 decades now to get used to it and for us all to develop new traditions. It’s only been a couple of years for your family, it’s still so new and raw. My parents wouldn’t be in a room together for several years after their divorce, but by the time my daughter was born, they were able to coexist at gatherings like birthday parties and weddings and if not interact, at least not shoot daggers at each other.

We do thanksgiving with everyone invited to our home, Christmas Eve with my mom and her side, Christmas Day with my dad, and the weekend after with my in laws because they’re a 4 hour drive. We don’t rotate holidays or do half a day here, an hour there, dessert there. It’s stressful and it sucks and someone inevitably ends up unhappy. Doing the same thing every year makes it our holiday tradition, and way less stress.

deleted-user01.11.2017

My parents had an 8 year messy divorce, starting when I was 13... it messed me up pretty bad to be honest....I still haven't gotten over it. I always "revisit" old memories and I am left with such sadness and often in tears. It's been a number of years since it all, and still to this day whenever I get really sad I have the "I want to go home " feeling...how I just want to go back...

My parents we are still are not civil. My mom lied, cheated and stole from my father and myself (and hoarded the money even though we both ended up homeless, my dad still can't buy a house because she screwed over his credit).... she is now remarried and I haven't spoken to her in years.... I want to forgive her, but for the moment I can't be around her...her lies and manipulation really really messed me up...she dragged me away from my home then left me to fend for myself while she man chased...I got into a lot of trouble and made irreversible mistakes...I can't blame her for my actions , but I had no guide to life since 13years old...

I guess I'm not much help...does it get easier?in a sense I suppose, life does move on...but those happy memories never go away, and yet the happiness (for me at least) is always tainted by sadness...

I have my own family now, my dad still isn't married...I don't know if he ever will...I do miss how life was... but my dad always said that he wanted "to get better not bitter... I think I need to take his advice...

I guess my best advice to you would be to try not and get so stuck in the past that your missing the present....my mom never dealt with her past issues and it destroyed our family, I'm working to make sure I don't get hung up on it either so that I can be the best i can be...

I'm sorry this happened ....it's not easy, the kids, no matter the age, seem to always be the ones to suffer the most

Kimberly Espinoza01.11.2017

Thank you ladies. It is very hard this year im finally letting my sadness out but i should of done that from the beginning ? Now i have all this anger and sadness thats finally coming out. My mom leaves in a week and she lives 4 hours away while i live with my dad but i feel so much hurt towards my parents i don't even want to see/talk to them cause then ill just cry and i dont want them to feel bad over their divorce. I doesn't even make sense to try to avoid them but i just dont want to break down after these years. ☹

Separated during holidays

Комментарии