Rant. Venting. Need to get this out of my head.

*glitch*

This sounds like my brother, granted he doesn’t owe gambling debt but about once a month he will call everyone in the family to make his rounds asking for money. Usually $100 to pay this bill or that bill or groceries for his family. I feel bad because he has 2 kids but his wife stays home when they both know they can’t afford it. And I have bills and kids to take care of too. I’d call your brother and tell him you aren’t paying it, and also ask him what the heck was he thinking giving this “dangerous” guy your number. That would piss me off he just assumed you’d pay his debt...I would just cut him off. If he wants to have a sister/brother relationship then cool but if he is going to continually ask for money when he knows your raising children then no.

Don’t send him any money, he’s an adult and it’s his choices that have gotten him to this point, if anything happens it will be a learning experience for him... actions have consequences...

If you send him any money or bail him out, he will not learn and most likely spiral out of control, into worse and worse things as he knows others will always clean up his messes....

Enabling him will end up with him dead or worse...

TOUGH LOVE...

Tell him no and to not contact you about money again...

Your not his atm and have your own children to look out for... that if he actually wants a brother sister relationship your alright with that, but he’s only calling you to use you as a bank account and that’s not right...

You are open for a relationship but only if he never brings up money or his criminal problems again...

The fact that he got other people to contact you would be a deal breaker for me op, that’s Dangerous to you and your children...

Op I’d cut him off for that, he’s going to get you and your children in a lot of trouble if you don’t get this put to bed now....

I'm sorry you're going through that :( it seems like you love your brother, but that situation is a whole lotta nope.

Why would he give someone (who he thought would harm him) your number, and potentially put you and your kid(s) at risk? I know it'll make you feel guilty, but maybe it's time to cut him off.

I've had to deny a family member money in the past because he was making extremely bad decisions and I wasn't going to enable him. It's so hard to say no, I totally get that. But you're doing the right thing.

I've wanted to send him a message questioning it, but I'm just done with it. I wasn't going to send the money anyways, it's just the guilt of "what if" was killing me. I was able to keep it out of my mind until yesterday.

I don't know why he thought it was okay to put me in this situation. I just got out of a dangerous situation a couple months ago, I don't need this.

Eta: @Canadian , according to him it'll and with him no longer living, but again it's not my debt. I'm worried for my nieces (I know of one but there are supposedly 2 others). I'm worried for myself and my kids. If he could give out my number, what else did he give. This is states away but it's still on my mind and my poor nieces are in that state.

Sounds like my sister. I agree, don’t send him a dime. He needs to live with the consequences of his decision making.

It's hard to say without knowing the whole situation, but from the sounds of it, he needs to deal with the consequences of his actions and that includes not relying on other people for more eye to pay off his problems.

I totally understand feeling bad for him since he's your brother, but I wouldn't help him. Maybe one day when he's got his stuff together he'll thank you for not enabling him.

Honestly, it sounds like he’s just using you. Somebody who cares for you would not give your number to somebody who sounds dangerous. Like he’s passing the torch, ‘don’t come for me, go for her, she’ll give you the money’ type of thing. I would stop contact all together, I know he’s your brother, but that still doesn’t give him the right to leach off you for his bad habits. Like you said, you worked hard for your money and you have kids to care for. You don’t need the burden of caring for an adult too. Don’t feel guilty for putting your family first.

@SJB that's how i see it too.

I had already helped raise my younger brother and supported him. I deffinitly don't need to support an adult older than me.

Op sounds like you should change your #

He doesn’t care about you or your children, he’s giving out your number and name to dangerous people...

I’d change your # and let thoughts of him go, maybe sign up for self defence classes and get a big dog...

That’s all you can do, staying in contact with you is only going to escalate the danger your in...

@shayy said family member told me he'd be homeless if I didn't send him money. The guilt from that was killing me. But guess what? Never happened. He was manipulating me.

I won't tell you to not to feel guilty because I understand that feeling. You're a good person who wants to help. But giving tough love is helping in another way.

Sadly we have spent thousands helping a family member out we finally had to cut ties I think back on how much we lost and how we could have paid off this that or the other sooner. We currently are still 3grand in the hole paying off a credit card because of this so called family. All we got in return is cussed out. Family or not I won't be helping anyone else out ever unless it's my own kid

@canadian, thankfully I've already taken self defense classes as well as karate for years. I've changed my number already (i use a separate app) hopefully I can get in contact with my oldest's wait list for speech.

Eta: I sadly can't have a dog here. But the girls dad comes over every day and I have an alarm system.

That sounds awful.? But you are absolutely doing the right thing. It's much safer in the long run for your family to just stay out of his dangerous life. His consequences are his own.

If you give a mouse a cookie...

I wasted so much money with my ex, who couldn’t hold a job or take care of himself. Even since I divorced him, he still thinks my family will take care of him. After 2 years without contact (and over $12k in child support he hasn’t paid!), he asked MY MOM for money. Nope! We briefly considered it, because he only asked for $50, but decided not to give him anything. It only opens the door for the future.

If he really is in debt he is at risk of losing his life, but he knew that when he made the choice to gamble knowing he had no commissary/currency to pay his debt forward. Dont feel guilty I think you're making the right choice also.

Thanks gals.

Agree with PPs, it's time to cut his ass off. He put you in a dangerous position by giving out your number. He didn't even consider your safety or that of your children. That's a big hell no!!! I know it would be hard not to feel guilty if something happened to him but THAT IS NOT YOUR FAULT. It is his own.

My brothers are both POS. Both have used my parents to no end, been in and out of jail, been violent, threatened violence, etc. and my parents still help them. Neither one of them is a part of my life anymore and never will be again!!

I know it's different than your situation but if the only relationship you have involves him asking for money, that's not a relationship. And if he would endanger you over it?? NOPE!