Opinions? Today my SO's family threw me a shower. It's also the anniversary of my uncle's death…

@tnhowell, I thought they'd show more happiness. They're the only family that knows. On my side only my dad knows. I felt like more of a burden if anything. They couldn't even remember the name we had chosen, I said it several times. They didn't honour my wishes about the gender. I just feel so betrayed.

To add also, my SO was too busy drinking with the guys.

I made SIL a homemade outfit for a build a bear that I also bought for her daughter. Cut, sewn, and decorated by my hands. Got no thanks. I just want to give up. I'm obviously putting effort into a worthless relationship.

I feel you 100% this is the reason why I told my boyfriend I don't want a baby shower either this or no one showing up especially because all my friends live in another state I'm sorry you had to go thru this you should have just left not tell no one not even you SO and see how long it took for them to notice you gone I'd definitely keep the baby to my self for as long as possible and make it clear to SO

@2017, I was a whole city and half away from my house with my 4yo too. I bus everywhere normally but if I had my car I would've deffinitly left.

My first shower, I threw myself, 20 people rsvpd but nobody showed

Sad and jacked up I'm on my second as well and told him both times no shower it's a waste of money

I maybe the only one with a different opinion. It sounds to me like maybe they were feeding off your vibes. You were already sad because of your uncle, and on top of that you were upset things weren't going as you imagined. I'm only saying this because my family just threw a shower for my cousin's girlfriend. No one could figure out what was wrong with he but she just sat awkwardly in the corner by herself. She seemed upset, like she didn't want to be there, like she hated that we were around or were even trying to converse with her. I personally went over with my sister to talk with her and get to know her better. We asked about the baby and how she was feeling but she was so short and uninterested in our conversation. After about 10 minutes we finally walked away. We all split everything and spend money to make this shower happen for her and my cousin and she just seemed like she didn't appreciate any of it. She didn't even say thank you even tho we didn't have to host anything for her. There is always two sides to the story. I would still do my part to thank them and even though it wasn't perfect I would show appreciation for their effort. You have absolutely every right to be upset no doubt! I would just be the bigger person. I threw my own shower with my husband and had my SIL and sister conduct it all. It was so much fun! Everyone that was there was involved and interactive but that was because my husband and I were going around the tables talking and catching up with all our friends and family that attended. Yes you were the guest of honor but logically it's still a family gathering & you should make the same amount of effort to maintain a relationship with those around you, especially if they're your new family. You make it sound like you were sitting around expecting everyone to come to you and bend over backwards for you just because it was your shower and you were the guest of honor. I would have still been helping conduct some of the games and been more involved with the family in conversation and interacting instead of expecting everyone else to put on a show for me. Them throwing you a shower would have been reason enough for me to be grateful and happy. Showers add up quick, they didn't have to throw you one! They probly didn't want to talk to you or make it about you because they probably felt like you were being ungrateful and snobby.

@kay, I actually tried to converse the whole time. I was talking about how I just finished my first year of college, but I'd just get short answers in return. It got tiring walking up and down stairs and I actualy fell down them once.

I know they didn't have to throw the shower, I actually asked my SO if they could not since it had been rescheduled so many times. But they did throw one, and I travelled quite a bit to get there. They were all watching the football game the whole time so I tried talking sports. Tried talking about how my first daughter (not biologically my so 's) had so much hair when I had her.

I never showed I was upset nor sad,I actually kept a smile even though I was upset that the gender was revealed. The men of the family actually asked more about my pregnancy and baby.

Eta: I was also told I should wait in the basement for the other family to arrive, that's why I sat down there most of the time.

Don't ever, ever let anyone dull your shine anymore after his day. Do what makes you happy.

Do what you want with the gifts but continue your plan on what YOU wanted with the neutral theme. I don't blame you for feeling the way you do.

If I were you, I'd let my SO know how I felt about the whole situation. Let him know how betrayed you are that his family went against your wishes KNOWING your intentions.

Also tell him your plans for when the baby arrives. You want absolutely no guests. No MIL, no SIL... NOBODY.

Start doing things for you and your happiness. Your child deserves a happy mama.

@krystamashatt My SO actually was the one who pointed it out to his family so I didn't have to. He asked "so who knows the gender now? " reply was "oh so and so needed to know it for something" I assumed it meant the cake design but there's plenty of cute cakes that are neutral.

I've already discussed visiting hours with him and last night told him I felt no need to tell anyone when I have her now. He knows how i feel about everything now. Hopefully I can get some time alone when she's here, I have a gut feeling they'll only care the day she gets here.

Not ridiculous, I would be pissed, the obviously did this on purpose BEC, everyone would have not came down at the same time, etc etc. Your mil had this on her self.

I would not tell anyone tHat I had my baby. Except my family. Actually I'm not. I don't plan to until we are already home. Bec they have had no interest in us before she is here they can kiss my a**

Thats horrifying ... The same reason people don't them in the 1st place people can be jerks... I wanted a shower for the last baby , but afraid folks wont come or be lame ..so sorry that happened to you..

They put more effort into her shower, which was originally supposed to be for me. Now I have to return a ton of clothing too.

Eta: returning because I got triples of things, and a ton of baby bottles I won't use (exclusively breastfeeding, which I told them. I have dr.Brown for when I start work)

I really see your point and if I didnt really know know my SO's family I would be upset.. But with that being said my SO's family is the same way. Not in a mean way, when they get together its about gathering and catching up even though everyone was together a few weeks ago. The guys usually go about one way and drink and the girls are all over with kids or there SO or doing something! And I can expect the same thing when they throw my shower! I'll just go interact with everyone! We had my sons birthday at my SO's mothers (my son is not his child) but let me say this, they spent a lot of money on my son gifts, and everyone was doing there own thing, fishing, swimming, and hanging out! When it came time to do cake and presents I had to say it a few times because everyone was scattered, but everyone was very supportive! When I did the kids games, it was me and my family and all the kids.. All his family stayed where they were!! And I was completely OK with that, the kids had fun, my son got more than I could ever imagine (from family that aren't biological) and everyone had a great time catching up! Maybe thats just how your SO's family are ?! I'm not sure as I wasn't there, but either way I hate that it was a bad experience for you and I hope you all can bond and get to know each other on a different level that way your not having feelings like this! Good luck momma!!