It's so insanely far away- if it even happens- but I can't stop watching birth videos on youtube...…

It's so insanely far away- if it even happens- but I can't stop watching birth videos on youtube... How can something be so terrifying and yet the thing I want most in life at the same time, lol? Though, I'm probably more scared of my family then I am of the actual birth- such a judgey bunch of people, when we bought our house they couldn't come up with a single positive thing to say. I'm not going to not try for a baby because my dumb uncle will make fun of me for it, but I'm not looking forward to them knowing, either...