Vent need to let this out- going to be a long one- I had the worst day yesterday I'm still in a daze as to what will happen now, my daughter is 15 and going through a very rebellious stage since Sept. Her grade 9 year has been bad a lot of missed assignments and skipping in first semester her report card had either C- or F so I was and always have been way to easy on her, partially because of my own up brining being spanked or drug by my hair to do dishes if I didn't do them right away, I never wanted my daughter to feel abused or hated if she didn't bend to my rules or wants, But after her failed courses to be repeated next year I put my foot down and told her if she stays in class where she is supposed to be mon-fri she will get WiFi Fri after school... she hasn't had WiFi since Christmas break, and taking away electronics was like taking drugs from an addict she completely flipped out it was horrible to the point she threatened suicide because I ruined her life, I called the mental health to find appropriate counselling for this the lady I talked with said if she says suicide and you believe her bring her directly to er to be assessed by phycotherapist, let's take a step back to Oct. She had been talking about depression and saying she felt tired sad and un interested in cleaning her room attending class and even showering so I brought her to family Dr where he prescribed a mild anti depressant and refereed us to peer and youth counselling which I started to bring her weekly, fast forward to jan. With no Wi-Fi she started really acting out saying she hated me hated life hated school so I called her school counsellor saying I'm worried something is happening at school she is not sharing with me and is causing her to skip and not want to be there can you talk to her teachers keep an eye out for bullying or problems I need to know about so they did talk with her and kept an eye out said they hadn't noticed any bullying going on but called me in for a meeting to where the counsellor then told me the reason she is not happy is I ignore her and don't acknowledge her existence since having a baby in 2016, what!, I include her in everything we do wether she accepts my invitation or not I always offer, family movies outing to the park trip to library grocery shopping any time we leave the house I invite her but she declines i ask her to help with dishes or chores around the house offer her to pick songs while we clean or do yard work to which she declines and I never forced it because I didn't enjoy chores as a teen either so I'm at a loss, I talked with her youth counselling they suggested reward over punishment..ok I'll try it, offer to raise allowance to 20.00 a week as long as her room stays clean and she showers keeps up with hygiene and goes to class, goes good for 2 weeks till school calls and asks if she is ok because all the medical appointments she's away for... umm What? She forged my signature to excuse her absences so i told them unless I call or come in to say so she should be there, end of Feb she wants 100.00 to "Go out" no explanation and wants me to ask less questions and just trust her.. No thanks... threatens suicide says she has no reason to live and will walk to nearest bridge and jump... *heart attack* the plan was so specific I got scared about how long she may have been considering this! Brought her to er where we spent the day waiting on phycotherapist and we finally see him they spend 2 hrs together and he comes to me and says he has been doing this job for 15 years and some patients he admits after 15 mins some he asses longer than admits but to be blunt he thinks I have a spoiled only child who suddenly has a sibling and is jealous and rebelling for attention and needs structure rules and punishment so I tell him about youth counselling meds loss of Wi-Fi, he suggests take her off the meds she should not have been on them i the first place refers us to a counselor he thinks will be better than a youth peer one, fast forward to end of April meeting with principal as daughter has now missed 92 classes!!!! Her highest mark in second semester is 17%!!! 😓 the principal tells me I need to not allow her to skip her education is important... Ok cause I tried walking her directly to class but she would say she needs a bathroom break and never go back I've tried punishments I've tried rewards I've tried just talking with her where I'm sworn at and told to mind my own business and I tell her I am your my business your my child I need to know these things so I can help you but nothing is working... yesterday morning she gets up ready to go i say no your suspended get back to your room and clean it start laundry, she says no it's boring here I say you have no choice your grounded, she says I'm meeting friends, again no your grounded it is not a vacation it's a suspension, how are you going to fn stop me I fn mean really? So I stood in front of the door and said that's enough you need to start acting right I've said many times you cant be swearing at me and show respect to me I am your mother not your doormat to walk all over, she's taller than me so she's in my face staring me down and I say this is enough you need to stop and listen... she grabs my arm and pulls me away from the door so I kicked her shoes to the bottom of the basement stairs and she starts punching me grabs me and throws me on the stairs going up to kitchen, I said get out then if you want to leave so bad you'd do this to your 9m pregnant mother I'm done I can't do this anymore!
She went and sat on the doorstep crying and I called my mom she suggested I call my sister so I did and she lives 3 hrs away and within 20 mins her and her husband and kids got out of work/school and were on their way to get her... I opened the door and said your going to stay with your auntie so pack your clothes and start cleaning the garbage and dirty dishes out of your room so I don't have to, she said I hate you I'm going to be so happy to never see you again you can die in birth and id still be happy, k...
1 hr later I'm still crying she comes out and says my friend is coming to help me pack, I say ok
Her friends show up and her girl friend comes in they go to her room for 2 mins then come out and open the door where 3 guys come in.. excuse me but have I ever let you have guys in your room before no it is not happening now, she tells them ignore her come in so I stood up and told them you come one more step in my house I'm calling the cops, they looked to my daughter where she waves them in so they proceed I picked up my phone and they froze backed up and left her girl friend left to and my daughter ran after them in bare feet, we live in a bad neighborhood where I seen junkie needle users across the street so I called non emergency police and explained to them I need help with my teen who won't come inside and is barefoot in the dirty alley, cop calls me back an hr later says we can talk to her I'll let you know how it goes, when he finishes talking to her he comes over to our door and says well she's 15 I can't make her come home and really they are not causing trouble so there's nothing I can do, I say what she is barefoot in a needle infested alley her auntie is coming to get her because she fought me this morning I called for help to get her inside it's not a trouble matter it's a safety matter you being a cop know this area and know how dirty and dangerous it is, ( my bf thankfully left work early and was now standing behind me ) cop says well your daughter wants her water bottle from her bag and asked me to pass it to her Can I?... No she's 15 and can walk across the street to grab it herself and get some shoes on at the same time, he says I held her hostage in the house that morning and she had to fight her way out so he is not suggesting she comes back in ok I'm grabbing the bag and brining it to her, I stood in front of him put my arm on the wall and said you do not have permission to enter my house, he stops and says move, my bf says you can leave now you don t have permission to be in our house what's your badge number? Cop backs out and says if you refuse to let me give her her bag I'm calling family services and telling them you kicked your under age child out without basic necessities, I say you got to be kidding me! First I held her hostage it my fault she attacked a 9m pregnant lady and now I'm not providing basic necessities??? He says exactly, I said good day shut and locked my door
My bf held me while I cried.. the police are so useless in this town wth
My sister came and called her in told her to wash up get ready let's go and she didn't argue once not a word just compliance and I told my sister about the cop and she said what a joke that's disgusting that's why girls go missing and get murdered because they don't do anything when it can be done then when they're standing over a corpse they scratch their head and can't do anything because it's too late and wonder hmm what could of been done to prevent this?
Before my daughter left she said to me don't get me in trouble at school tell them I'm out of town not skipping more....
Does she think she's coming back...
Should I even let her back?
To be honest I'm on the fence I love her and want her with me but she will go right back to running around and refusing to go to school, with my sister she listens no problem has more respect for her obviously so it's better for her own safety to stay there and not here...but I don't want to burden my sister with problems if she gets comfortable there and starts acting rebellious again... So everything is up in the air I don't know what's going to happen I feel like the worst mom in the world such a failure at raising her and scared I'm going to mess up my 2 littles now cause I'm such a crap parent
Although this is long it's not even half of what we've been through this past year 😢