LONG POST PLEASE BARE WITH ME 😢
So recently my bf has been lazy to help out at night with our girls (15 months and 2 months) he says some really rude shit to me and when I mention it to him he says he doesn’t remember and sorry...but it’s every single night and I’m growing tired of it. Then yesterday early morning I grabbed his phone to put on Netflix for our daughter who was fussy and I couldn’t find mine, but when I opened his phone I noticed he has a tumblr (which he never mentioned, plus I didn’t even know he knew what that was) and on it I see that he’d follow all these skinny hoes that posted pics of their breast and vaginas and asses or in skimpy outfits. And mind you they all happened to be pale/light skinned skinny women. I’m a plus size curvy girl and never been ashamed of my curves and I’m tan skinned. I threw his phone at his private and woke him up and asked him “wtf is that” and he didn’t know what to say and said “it’s just lust i was being stupid.” I asked if he played with himself with them and he didn’t answer just looked at me. Then today I asked out of frustration “what don’t you find attractive about me that you have to go look for in those women?!” And he said “the baby fat or pregnancy fat after having the baby” right away. It felt like a stab in the heart...he’s always found me attractive or at least pretended to because I always felt sexy to him and I thought our sex life was good. He just left to his construction job 2pm-10pm so now I feel so insecure and gross...I just had a baby. TWO babies back to back...excuse me for not looking the way I did when we first started dating...before he left he said “you’re still beautiful and i love you “ but now idk what to believe anymore...I denied his kiss and didn’t say it back (not out of spite but because I’m too hurt to even look at him) and when I glanced up he looked like it annoyed/hurt him and he left...idk what to do I just had to vent..I feel like an ugly whale..I don’t even have an appetite anymore....
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Wow, that’s horrible. You grew 2 beautiful babies inside of that body, HIS BABIES, if he doesn’t see the sex appeal in that then screw him.
I told dh the other day that I hated my stretch marks and he said to me “my kids made those stretch marks, those are sexy” granted who knows if he actually thinks my stretch marks are sexy, but he makes me proud of them and proud of my squishy body that gave him 3 beautiful children. You are worth more then that, your man should make you feel like you are the sexiest woman in the world. Don’t feel bad because he can’t see your beauty. Go do something for yourself so you start feeling better. Also tell your boyfriend to fuck off.
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@akcatprincess, if 2 people really love eachother then they would be honest with eachother too. Duh, people change. There is also a difference between putting on a couple of pounds and legit gaining pounds and getting overweight. Should OP's man be abit nicer about it? Sure, whatever. But OP asked him and she got an honest answer. Can't be moping about it. If the extra weight bothers you that much, then get rid of it.
@iowajeepdiesel, yeah but in my opinion if people really love each other they could look past the couple extra pounds. If my husband got fat I honestly would still be attracted to him and have no problem being sexual with him still because I love him that much 🤷♀️ and I think guys should think in that way a lot more and stop thinking attraction is all about looks because it’s not. It’s about love too
Yes. And you acknowledging all of that shows what an incredible woman you are. Everything will be ok. It's obvious you live each other and this is just a hiccup
He’s not an asshole. Maybe 50% of the time but who isn’t? He’s a great dad to his daughters don’t get me wrong but he needs to know that I had two kids and I do have feelings and I told him I was gonna workout asap and I’ve stuck to my promise
@iowajeepdiesel, I wasn’t allowed to because of the c-section. I was eating right and everything but I was just stuck with what I had until I was cleared. And looks fade I fell in love with HIM not his body. Yes of course his looks changed he gain some pounds but you don’t see me looking up men with abs to stuff because I’m into him and I’ve told him “babe I’m cleared on this date so starting that next days we are working out” I’m not starting working out for him but my health and for my kids to have their mom around a long time. I’ve never found his gut unattractive or anything. And I’ve always been self conscious about my mama pouch but he made it clear that he loved everything about me including that because that shows that I gave him kids so for him to suddenly say that. It was unexpected. Of course I know I’ve gained some pounds I don’t need anyone to tell me because I’m not clueless and I own a mirror. But that doesn’t give him and excuse to have wondering eyes and compare me to them. I’ve had kids they haven’t.
I understand you're hurt and upset with his comment. But you did ask him for an honest answer and he gave it to you. The truth hurts. Maybe start thinking about losing the baby fat.
I would always want my man to be truthful to me. Just like I am with him. If he tells me I am putting on some pounds then I will do whatever it takes to lose them. Not just for my boyfriend's liking, but for mine as well.
What he said hurt a lot. I get that. But you asked him flat out and he was honest. He needs to be more sensitive to the fact that you just brought his second child into the world.
But I think it's normal for attraction to be up and down at different parts of a long term relationship. He's probably not as attractive to you as he was in the beginning either. The difference is your sensitive and smart enough not to say that to him. I don't think he was trying to hurt you. He probably feels terrible about that.
Don't place your value on looks because we all know looks change with time.
I think you need to let him know how you feel about the way he speaks to you and how that affects you.
First of all I’m sorry and he’s a piece of shit. Secondly I think if he’s too stupid to realizes that under all those extra curves you’re still the same person he got with them he’s an idiot. You gave him two kids if he isn’t offering you his left nut for that then Idk what’s wrong with him. I agree work out get THE CURVES YOU WANT back and then fuck him! He can go like all the Tmblr sluts pictures but you won’t be his anymore!
He knows he's wrong and that's half the battle. How he comes back from that, I don't know. Wow. I hope he feels like shit.
What Murdock said. Every of that.
His ass sleeps on the living room floor because he doesn’t even deserve the couch .
I'm sorry girl! You are beautiful doesn't matter your size, you just birthed two babies back to back and if he doesn't understand that or think thats sexy leave his ass for the birds. You deserve the world!
What a douche canoe! Playing devils advocate though if it’s out of character for him then maybe have a talk with him. He has maybe just lashed out because something else is bothering him. Not condoning what he said at all, I’d be kicking him in the nuts for it!
What an ass!! He needs to understand that you grew his 2 precious babies and him making you feel like your unattractive is not okay. He needs to grow up. Hopefully you being pissed off at him will make him realize quick what he has. Make him delete that shit. Keep your head up girl, you deserve to feel beautiful. 😉💗
@nmarti95, lol that’s what my head was thinking I just got clearance from my dr to workout because I had a c-section. I gonna lose this “baby fat” and rub it in his face and not give him anything until he starts treating me the way I deserve to be treated and helps me at night the way he helps when he’s home during the day
Thank you ladies and that’s the thing that has me so blind sided...he always made me feel beautiful and when I was pregnant he always loved on my belly and kissed each stretch mark and would say “I couldn’t be in love with you more, you are making my babies”. He always called me beautiful and “flirted” me by pinching my butt and kissing my forehead or neck. He never made me feel ugly. That’s why this hurts so much...it’s not him, idk what his deal is. He’s been an ass lately and idk why
If my bf said this to me I’d be totally shocked and heartbroken... oh my gosh. Growing a beautiful child will change you’re body and that’s NOTHING to be ashamed of!! I can’t believe he’s being that insensitive, honestly that’s just gross of him to even say. Maybe you should tell him and make him aware that if those super skinny girls had his kids they wouldn’t look like that anymore either and he needs to grow the hell up. I’m sorry girl 😞
I'm so sorry that's pretty crappy. You just gave birth he sounds like an asshole. He should be supporting and embracing you. You just gave him another beautiful baby ffs! He needs to check himself, it sounds like he's immature. Please don't let this shit get you down
Wow, that’s horrible. You grew 2 beautiful babies inside of that body, HIS BABIES, if he doesn’t see the sex appeal in that then screw him.
I told dh the other day that I hated my stretch marks and he said to me “my kids made those stretch marks, those are sexy” granted who knows if he actually thinks my stretch marks are sexy, but he makes me proud of them and proud of my squishy body that gave him 3 beautiful children. You are worth more then that, your man should make you feel like you are the sexiest woman in the world. Don’t feel bad because he can’t see your beauty. Go do something for yourself so you start feeling better. Also tell your boyfriend to fuck off.
I'm sorry he made you feel that way mama but hold your head up you are beautiful and carrying your children was a beautiful thing and he's an asshole
I’m so sorry. Firstly, his actions and feelings are completely on him. He’s the one that is being inconsiderate, and throwing hurtful words to you. Probably out of defense, because of what you found. Secondly, please don’t think of yourself any less. You have to love yourself, and that will always be your root to healing. Know that you are not what his (tasteless) words are, but instead KNOW that you are beautiful. Know that for YOU and not for him. You’ve got this, okay? Stay strong!!
I’m so sorry. Firstly, his actions and feelings are completely on him. He’s the one that is being inconsiderate, and throwing hurtful words to you. Probably out of defense, because of what you found. Secondly, please don’t think of yourself any less. You have to love yourself, and that will always be your root to healing. Know that you are not what his (tasteless) words are, but instead KNOW that you are beautiful. Know that for YOU and not for him. You’ve got this, okay? Stay strong!!