I have a fiance that seems to treat me and other people bad. But when it comes to someone he values more they get…

Hold the eff up....so basically you’re saying that you two broke up twice... He doesn’t make a lot of money and you are making none, which is a problem because he spends his money on the kids and gas for his child to see the mother, rational so far but BOTH of y’all could have job You complain about him not being able to afford child care with his job, but you can’t either cause you aren’t working!! Amidst all of this he gave you $250, and even though y’all are having serious financial problems and you claim that you can’t afford child care to do what you need,you got your hair done?! It’s called PRIORITIES!!! Just saying!! Y’all both need to grow up and provide, you have given no reason to why you can’t step up and help out!!!

#OGBBBitch

@sweetsap88 they are. They have a home over there head and I have a car. I'm working on the job thing. My oldest is in gym. They are happy. I do make sure of that

You're welcome, I'd just like to know that your kids are in a good environment and you start to feel better about yourself and your future

@sweetsap88 thank you

I understand :) just keep both eyes open so you can see clearly

@sweetsap88 yeah I know. I just feel like I have to find away to clear out my mind. And he isn't the way. I been hoping good would guid me. Honestly I believe everything comes to light and I'll know. It will fall into place. I know I have done wrong. We are doing therapy I have to find a cheap one. But I want to know I have done everything.

@mimiroxy16 sadly someone might make a good friend but not a good partner. I'm glad that you want to try therapy as a last resort, so if nothing changes you gotta go. If he changes and stays changed, that's great, but if he doesn't change, or change back, you gotta go. You are right, with professional help things can get better. Go see your sis, and take the kids with you, maybe you can even search for a job out there. Don't beat yourself if you don't find a career right away, take a job, do your best at it, and then work on finding your career, at least you'll have change in your pocket

@mimiroxy16 you don't have to figure it out alone, not trying to demean you, but humans aren't meant to do it all alone. So vent away, it's just that people are going to have opinions and they will try yo be helpful. The reason why I mentioned the childcare thing was because he broke off a relationship due not being able to afford it. So I'd rationalize that he wouldn't be able to afford it if me and him had kids.

You can love him, nothing is wrong with that, don't let love make you blind. What he is giving you is not love. He doesn't even seem to respect you. How can you be sure he's changing? Maybe you want him to change so bad that you've fooled yourself into thinking he's changing.

You haven't gone backwards in life, you're still young with a long way to go. Lose the anchor that's weighing you down. Whether that means therapy with him or leaving him. No man should cheat on you, diseases are far too advance to take those chances with your life, and you have children to consider. Next time he cheats you might end up with a virus or a bacteria that destroys your reproductive system. You don't wanna be the person saying "if only I'd known."

I plan on going and seeing my sister she lives out of state. We got a car. But after being forced by his dad and he worked to get something I liked. Because just yeah some of the cars have you shaking your head. We were friends before we got together so I know there is good. I just know the stress is getting to be alot. I want to move. He knows that. I was in a depression for awhile after I had our first because of postpartum so I was mean. So I know things happen I want to try therapy for the last thing then go from there. So when my kids ask I can tell them I've tried I hung on til I couldn't anymore.

Yeah, therapy is a good idea, also, maybe it would help if you guys can spend some time apart? Not break up buy separate space. If you have a family member you can stay with for a short time. Have tou considered looking for a job outside your town or state? Maybe not the outta town thing because no car, but you could pack up and move to another state for a job.

I hope that you aren't just seeing good in him because you want him and love him though. I hope there really is good in him. Sometimes people apologize because they think it's what you want to hear, or that it's what they're supposed to do, not because they mean it. And based on your post alone, from the outside looking in, you can do better

@sweetsap88 in all honesty I should figure it out on my own but I need to vent because I just am stuck and I feel lost in away. Idk hard to explain. I'll probably delete this post soon

@sweetsap88 life is hard either way. I don't stay for the wrong reason. I don't want to relive the cheating scandal. We have two kids together. We are engaged because we love each other. Well I love him. The other one I can't lie I question it. But I try for myself and kids. He is changing I see it. But he seems to never grow up. Like the way he talks. I am open about everything with him. I make sure to tell him. So he knows everything so we can work threw. But I feel he doesn't understand because he has one focuse. And child care is expensive us being together we can't afford it and make to much for state help. Wether or not he can't pay for child care doesn't mean I shouldn't be with him. There are bigger issue then that. He loves his kids but yes I do feel like second class but I have a hard time letting go. I don't want to right now. I don't know why I cant. We broke up twice because of the way he is and he asked and says he is gonna change. I'm looking for a job. I'm wanting more in life. It's hard but I am. It's funny because he is a good person but then again he seems bad. And he always turns thing. I haven't married him in four years for these reason. Trust me before I marry him things have to change and he knows that. It hard... Some times I wonder if it is stress because I stress he stress then we fight. Because this little town has no career opportunity and that's what I am seeking. You know. I went backwards in life. But I want marriage in life with him or not I want it just like I want more kids when stable financial. I just need him to be nicer and understand he doesn't just have one. He has two more that need him. So one stop trying to keep the other druggie prison facing time away. Like really he freaks when she doesn't call their son. But I'm over here thinking this bitch is facing time for being a drug dealer and trafficking money 7,500 for that. Like why try and keep her in our life when we have two other he should protect from that. Like I try to understand. We want the right thing for our kids because we both see the problem but before we give up we want therapy. I want it to work. Because we were great once but it's just everything seems to fall. Idk how to catch it

You don't need someone who's going to take care of you, you need to take care of yourself. What's a cheating scandal? Did he cheat, did he threaten to cheat or were there rumours of him cheating? If he left his first home because he couldn't afford child care, why would you date him? His past lets me know he's not going to be able to afford child care for our children.

He left you once, you should have let him stayed gone my friend :/ do you only have one bio child or two? I get the job thing, pssh, these jobs hire a bunch of part time people, give them dumb stupid hours weekly so they don't have to pay for insurance and benefits and stuff.

Why are you engaged to him? If havung children didn't set him straight, marrying him won't either, you're just going to dig yourself into a deeper hole. Since you're legally "single," for all intents and purposes, you can look into getting a trade, the state might even pay for it.

Maybe you can get help with childcare from the gov't too, just until you finish your trade. You can do medical assistant, cna, data entry, etc. He's not right, but neither are you. You allow him to treat you and your kids like second class citizens, and he's not gonna change, you will have to change. Sometimes changing means walking away and not going back.

Currently he serves no purpose in your life other than to make you miserable, do you really need that?

Ive been in ruts before financially... I got 3 paper routes several years back to pay the bills. I went to school online so I could get my Master's Degree. Nothing has just come easy to me, or handed to me. When I was working on my bachelors I had three jobs while going to college. I never took less than 22 units a semester. Even in high school I had two jobs. I'm not saying your SO is in the right, but if I were you I'd start working my ass off to save up enough to leave and give my kids a better life.

Thank you. It can't get worse then this.

I’m sorry you are dealing with all this, it sounds like he has a little growing up to do. As a woman you are strong, only you know how much you can put up with, I wish you the best.

@savagemommy there are to many people here... And not enough job so many family are homeless to it isn't funny

@savagemommy yeah, but Oregon has a thing where these people can hire a bunch of part time so the jobs don't have to pay any more then the paycheck but then the paycheck ain't very big.

During everything I worked at a job that gave me ten a week hours. Then get mad once I couldn't come in because I didn't have child care that's take my son just on a dime. I have the littlest of thing and his other son in my opinion shouldn't see his mom if she is facing prison time. She doesn't pay anything I make sure the damn kid has clothes and we have to spend 60$ for him to see her..... When if she doesn't pay anything I'm sorry the least she can do is get him and drop him off. I talk to him all the time he screams I don't work but when I was working and I had to save money for gas because my work was awhile away you know. I think about working at the bar because of the late hours but he says that's trashy and gets pissed. It's a lose lose spot.... I'm tired... I tell him. I hang on hoping it get better but idk. Because I truly do love him but some of the things just make it so fucking hard. It's funny because I do talk to him about it. And he says he is truly trying but I feel like I get excuse after excuse.

@mimiroxy16, that’s a common issue where I live as well, too many people and not enough jobs. Do you live in a small town?

@savagemommy I have been trying to get on my feet but this stupid town there are like no jobs.

Ok, I think I took your post the wrong way. So I apologize for coming off that way. If he doesn’t have his priorities straight and you are dealing with all that basically in your own, I think you are better off without him once you can get on your feet.

@savagemommy he has three kid so you didn't read my post. I do want to get a job but in my area there are none. No his fist son it isn't a priority for him to see his mom when she is facing prison time. She isn't a very great person. And no his priorities never were straight. Hence the cheating scandal. When the cheating scandal went on he left me while I was pregnant and with our other son. He barely saw him but he had his other son so it didn't matter. And that 250$ was so I could get stuff needed and my hair done. But no for two people to work you have to be able to fucking afford child care. But he doesn't show he cares he just treats me bad that isn't call priorities it's called being an ass. So idk what the fuck you are talking about but when a guy just focused on his first son then be a jerk yeah that's no fun and then when you stop everything to make him happy to watch him and he still treats you bad. Oh and the reason we can't afford anything is because he does what he wants because it him. Just like we were with out a car for a month because he traded for a truck that didn't work........

Hold the eff up....so basically you’re saying that you two broke up twice... He doesn’t make a lot of money and you are making none, which is a problem because he spends his money on the kids and gas for his child to see the mother, rational so far but BOTH of y’all could have job You complain about him not being able to afford child care with his job, but you can’t either cause you aren’t working!! Amidst all of this he gave you $250, and even though y’all are having serious financial problems and you claim that you can’t afford child care to do what you need,you got your hair done?! It’s called PRIORITIES!!! Just saying!! Y’all both need to grow up and provide, you have given no reason to why you can’t step up and help out!!!

#OGBBBitch

You need someone who will take care of you and is selfless ! And the children too !

I would but I only get money here and there. It's hard I'm just like blah I want it to work because I truly do care and love him. But I'm just sick of all the things he says. It's a lie and to much to handle.

Im so glad im not alone!! Im not sure what to do either, mine is not as bad but i coild deffinitly agree with you that my fiances priorities are lost and he is a bit of a bitch. Im going to therepy for help :/