What is wrong with me?! 😥 my ex is such a sleeze and douche and yet he has such a hold on me despite…

What is wrong with me?! 😥 my ex is such a sleeze and douche and yet he has such a hold on me despite everything and idk why?! I hate him but at the same time like my feelings just are there and I can't shake it and it's driving me nuts. I feel like we had no closure and maybe that's why. Idk but it sucks and I feel like how could I ever want to be with this person?! It's like a battle between my head and my heart and my head always wins but my heart is still always in the background 😩