Ladies I need advice. My partner's sister got deported a few years back for something she did and…

Maybe do it as a once off and if it continues then you can later on decide what you and your partner want to do. You gotta put your family first ans ensure you got enough to support yourselfs (i know that sounds a bit selfish)x

@mum2sky that's a difficult situation to be in I don't know what I would do x

@sammy240118 hes done it twice now. It's such a hard situation x @michellewiggins1985 I know it's horrible I wish I wasn't in it tbh x

@mum2sky yeah the thing is I will prob sound horrible saying this but y should u send money x

@michellewiggins1985 that's exactly how I feel. I mean I know it's family but the baby isn't our responsibility. She got her first child taken she shouldn't have had another one because now we are all here feeling guilty. It's like why should we give it but then the baby shouldn't go without. And the thing is she only messages my partner and his twin because she knows they work. She doesn't ask anyone else 😔 x

If it were me... I'd probably do it the first time, as a one off boost. But make it clear you cannot afford to 'donate' again or regulary as you have your own family to provide for. You wish her well but if she's struggling she needs to look at other, more long term solutions. I have had family members ask for help and I have done on occasion but I've also had to say no sometimes. It is horrible & awkward.

@sara-lou86 yeah we've done it twice and she still keeps asking. And because she's been deported back to a poorish country it's like she keeps banging on about that and all her hardships and I said to my partner it's not our fault her life went that way. We didn't force her to get deported and furthermore we didn't force her to go and have another baby when the first one was taken from her because she couldn't take care of her. It's so annoying. I know he loves his nephew and if he wants to then I can't stop him but I just don't want him to do it behind my back you know

Does his sister work xx @mum2sky

@abbiehowe8 exactly what I don't know. She not here so I can't see. And she lied initially and asked for 400 pounds for a phone and then 6 months later we find out she's had a baby and apparently the money was for an abortion she didn't go through with . My brain frazzled lol it's such a mess x

@chesscalouise she said she had a job as a cleaner and was doing well and had a nanny and everything. A month later now she has apparently no money not even enough for nappies for the baby and the baby's father has left them because the baby is too light skinned apparently I just can't keep up x

Has she been known too lie x @mum2sky

@chesscalouise more than Pinocchio lol she's very untrustworthy x

Yeh I get that. It's a very difficult situation. I guess you need to sit down and discuss it with your partner & together agree what to do on-going. Is he happy to give money repeatedly... Will it affect his family... Remind him she will never stop asking & is he prepared for that? If he's still set about doing it then agree on a sum that he will put aside each month or every few months whatever and explain she will not be getting anymore than that. An amount that will not affect your family in anyway. It's a tough one.

I wouldn't be sending money anywhere especially when you can't trust where it's being spent! I'm probably going to sound a total bitch but it's not up to you to pay for a child that's not yours- if she can't afford to have children then she shouldn't have them- it's as simple as that in my mind. I'd maybe give money for Xmas/ birthdays but I wouldn't give more than I spend on anybody else in the family. You have your own family to provide for xx

But I'd still be telling my hubby he isn't doing it repeatedly and I wanna see bank statements monthly to prove it lol but that's just me! She may be in a tougher situation but one she shouldn't have gotten in and giving her money is just enabling her to sit back and not try and make her situation better herself.

@sara-lou86 it's horrible. I said that to him last night if you give it to her now be prepared to be providing for 2 kids not one. If you start and make a commitment then you need to be clear on the terms and conditions of that. He spoke to his mum again and she said do what he feels best I can see he's torn. I guess I'll speak to him about it again tonight and see where his heads at. Thank you x

@genieh that's how I feel. I feel so so bad for feeling that way but we struggle with our own daughter like she should've learnt from the first time she's 30+ and he's 25 like why is your younger brother providing for your child. It's annoyed me so bad! X @sara-lou86 exactly! But she's always been like this she thinks the world owes her everything . It's not enough her disabled mum has had to raise her daughter because she got deported we now all have to raise her son aswell I'm livid x

We all help out family at times but it sounds like she has taken advantage. It's so hard because I'd feel the same because there's a child involved. I think it will take her to be cut off for it to end though. Or she'll depend on everyone all the time.

@mum2sky I wouldn't feel bad- her kids = her responsibility. I'd be mortified having to ask anybody for help let alone a younger sibling!! It would annoy me too cause if/ when you say no to her then you'll come off as the bad guys when actually she's the bad one scrounging and relying on hand outs!! Xx

@sara-lou86 exactly I don't mind if it's like she was working or whatever and fell on hard times and needed help. But she knew her situation before the baby came. She's been unemployed for ages. Then decided to have a baby in a country that doesn't have things like benefits etc. She's so selfish. And I agree I think she needs to try and do it herself because she thinks everyone owes her and we don't x

@genieh me too. It's mad me so angry and it's the poor baby that's suffering because of her but because we live in the UK and have money apparently we will look like the bad ones uno. I'm just tired of it x

It's not the same at all but my husband's sister has a similar view about us. She doesn't work & is on benefits (No issue with that) but thinks because my husband and I work we should spend a bucket load more on her son at birthdays, Christmas etc. Err no it doesn't work like that. Yes we both work but we work freakin hard for peanuts. And those peanuts go on a load of bills and responsibilities which she does not have. We agreed to spend a set amount on all kids. Life is hard but no one can afford to finance someone else's life, family or not.

@sara-lou86 pft sounds like Simon's sister. It's such a naive way to think. And because she once lived here she should know it's not as easy as that she's ridiculous. And your sister in law is petty sorry. People have lives just because you don't make enough doesn't mean everyone else should fork out loads on your kids because you can't afford to. No no no. I would do what you did a set amount for everyone so it's fair.

The thing is she spends about £500 on her son at christmas. No lie! She spends £10 on Morgan and Max. Which again I have no issue with. If your struggling don't feel like you have to get anything. But don't turn around and demand we should spend a load on your son. Pfft she wanted us to get him a brand new 32' tv! 😂 Pfft don't think so love. Spend less on him & you could get one yourself lol. Sometimes I think you can help someone too much. They then just take the mick.

@sara-lou86 loool sorry a tv! No she must've been joking. And 500! Well each to their own I suppose I think I spent about 80 on just skyla lol that makes no sense at all. 50 but you can't buy him a tv. She's definitely trying to scrape off of you guys. I think tonight I'm going to speak to Simon about it and see where his heads at and I'll update you all on the progress. Thank you for the advice and laughs x