I just keep thinking about how I wanna be happy far as with a relationship. I only been close to my…

I just keep thinking about how I wanna be happy far as with a relationship. I only been close to my son daddy he the only person I ever loved or cared about but we not together cause of how bad he hurt me over years but we do have a great friendship I been knowing him for 8 years and I can’t seem to get close with anyone and I don’t see me and my son daddy ever working out again so I don’t think that’s blocking anything idk what it is I just want a family