So I'm almost 4 months pregnant and left my husband because he wasn't trying hard enough for this…

So I'm almost 4 months pregnant and left my husband because he wasn't trying hard enough for this family and now I don't know how to handle this pain I've been crying hours and hours and I'm just hurt and feel like I miss him by my side but I know it will be the same way and I just am hurting after 3 years gone down the drain spending Christmas and holidays alone and taking care of a baby that's 9 months old next month and a new baby that I'm pregnant with now I feel horrible and I have bad thoughts I honestly don't know what to do my husband ignored me since he's been gone so I guess it's just over now??... this heart break hurts my eyes hurt my head hurt I feel like throwing up gagging and peeing everywhere I'm a mess ..