I just really need some place to talk about this that isn’t just inside my head.

I just really need some place to talk about this that isn’t just inside my head.

I’m in the military, in the medical field. I started training in histopathology in January of this year and was supposed to graduate in September. It was 2 years worth of medical training smashed down into a 9 month crash course (because the military doesn’t have time for you to leisurely do it in two years). It’s 3 months of didactics (learning everything out of the books and taking tests), 3 months of hands on training in the lab, then 3 months of clinicals where you actually work with real patients in the hospital instead of just donated tissue. I passed every single test, had a 92% GPA, but got pregnant when my husband came to visit me for the weekend and ended up having to make the life altering decision on whether or not to continue training. If I would’ve stayed in the program until I graduated then I would’ve been putting my baby at risk because of the chemicals I worked around on a daily basis (like formaldehyde, xylene, etc.). When they told me I had to make a decision, it was a no brainer for me, I would change career fields because ummmm HELLO that’s my baby’s life!! They ended up putting me into the medical logistics career field, the training was a quick 2 months and the job itself is rather easy. Also the Air Force was not required at all to put me into another career field, I had to fight for it (the Air Force is my life, I wasn’t going down without a fight). So I’m very thankful to still be serving and technically still be in the medical field even if I don’t directly work with patients and make the impact I wish I was originally. Despite how thankful I am, one thing I’ve left out of this whole spiel is how much I fell in love with histopathology. I can’t put into words how much I loved it. It’s one of the HARDEST things I’ve ever done (especially it being a crash course, it was extremely hard material). But it interested me so much that the more into detail they went and the more I had to learn, the more it drew me in and I retained. I LOVE it! I, at a young 19 years old, had found a career that I was undeniably passionate about (and good at lol). When I left the course, they didn’t give me a single college credit. Not one. Despite having passed ALL of my exams with flying colors. I was also the first person to ever have gotten pregnant in that program so they didn’t have a protocol on what to do with me at first, it took a few months to even be able to start my new training, which I believe contributes to them not giving me any credits. I finally got to my first duty station and spoke to the education and training office, they told me they have had people in the same situation as me and could most likely help me get those college credits. So now I’m working as a logistician, about to be a ftm in the next couple weeks, and trying to pursue medical school...

The purpose of this whole rant is because I feel like I have been trapped within myself. I’m so confident that I can do it if I put my mind to it but I literally have people telling me to “be realistic” and reminding me how tired I’ll be all the time with a new baby.

I know it will be the hardest thing I’ve ever done but why is it SO impossible for me to follow my dreams while starting a family!😓

I’m so in love with my son, and so in love with histopathology. But I feel trapped in this current career field and like no one believes I can or will be able to do it.