RANTING In 2014, i was 409 pounds and in a size 24-26. Before i got pregnant with sariyah in 2016 i…

RANTING

In 2014, i was 409 pounds and in a size 24-26.

Before i got pregnant with sariyah in 2016 i was 240 and in a size 18.

After i had her i was 215 and size 16

Now that im pregnant with twins apparently im 180 and i can fit into a size 12.

Yall i havent been a size 12 since middle school

I got this dress as a goal dress, that i never thought id reach, when i put it on and it zipped up (a little hard to zip over my chest but it got there!) And i buttoned the top two buttons AND i had room in the waist area, i started full on sobbing.

My hubby came running and stopped dead in his tracks and his jaw dropped. He was so confused and asked what was wrong and all i mumbled out was "this is a size 12" "why does it fit" and hubby pulls me into a hug and says "it finally clicked in your head how skinny you've gotten" and just holds me.

Whenever i look in the mirror i still see that 409 pound girl. I dont see myself how i really am. And it fucks with me so much.

One day ill put on something and be beaming with confidence the next (or even later on that day) ill go back to seeing that 409 pound girl and spiral into depression again and put on loose clothing. and my body will actually trick itself into feeling like i did when i was that heavy (cant breathe, heavy pressure on my chest, knees hurt so bad i cant move, shooting pain up my spine etc)

I always brushed it off when hubby called me beautiful or a goddess or anything of that sort, but when i put on this dress i felt like a damn model. (And then my self image issues got hold of me again and fucked me up)

Love yourselves ladies, and when your hubby, boyfriend, or anyone calls you beautiful. They mean it.