Ugh I feel like the absolute worst mother on the planet right now 😭 today just seems like it’s been…

Ugh I feel like the absolute worst mother on the planet right now 😭 today just seems like it’s been one fight after another with my 3.5yo. I’ve never had such a difficult day with her before... I figured nap time would be the easy part of my day today but it’s turning out to be the worst 😩

Since she no longer takes a nap, she gets to spend a 1.5-2 hours playing games/watching cartoons on her iPad. It’s the one time of day she gets to play it so she gets super excited. Our only rule is she has to keep the volume down because her sister sleeps in the room next door. Well today I head the volume blasting from her room so I went in to turn it down and tell her to please not touch the volume because sissy is sleeping (like I normally do when this happens). But today she started crying, loudly, saying she can’t hear it. I told her that once she stopped crying and calmed down she could hear it fine. Of course that made her more pissed and she continued to cry louder. I figured she’d eventually calm down and left but she started to scream at the top of her lungs! I absolutely do not tolerate that behavior at nap time and went back in and took her iPad away. I told her she could have it back once she calmed down and she flipped her shit. Well now I’m on my absolute last nerve and on the verge of screaming myself! I shut her door and left again. She screamed and screamed and screamed and then got out of bed and began kicking and smacking her door! Well that was it for me...I ran in and spanked her (which I try to stay away from but some times it’s necessary..) and put her back in bed. I was screaming at her as quietly as I could telling her this was absolutely unacceptable behavior and now she won’t be getting her iPad back, that it is a privilege for her. Also if she screamed again about the matter she would be getting another spank. She finally calmed down..said okay through tears. And I left...

It absolutely fucking breaks my heart. I’m sitting here almost in tears because I hate feeling so angry with my own child 😭 i just feel like the absolute worst right now...