So I've been 2 years clean of self harming. But now the thoughts are back and I'm trying to keep my…

So I've been 2 years clean of self harming. But now the thoughts are back and I'm trying to keep my head up but all I'm having are thoughts of doing it again. And I have held off because I'm a mom now and I need to be strong but everything is piling up and I'm feeling very down. I don't know what I expect but I just really hate myself right now and might end up breaking my streak