Mom.life
Victoria Randall
vark
Victoria Randall
This post is about setting boundaries with extended family members. I recognize there are benefits to having a family outside of the immediate family but I'm also starting to realize that I would not have initiated a relationship with anyone in my family had they not been related to me. I've always been the black sheep and they always pointed out my otherness. now that I have a kid I would like the messages I send and teach to be consistent and not muddled by family dynamics that no longer impact my life in any meaningful way. I love my family, but I'm perfectly fine with only seeing them on obligatory family holidays. It's weird because my mom raised us to be close and I can see now that she really raised us to disregard each other's boundaries. It pissed me off today when my sister tried to clean my son's ears with her finger nail instead of telling me about it. It's a whole life of similar boundary crossing. .borrowing things without asking, and making assumptions where there should be asking permission. I've been checking everyone on crossing boundaries. It's exhausting. But I know it's must be done if they are going to stay in our lives. This is kinda just a vent but can anybody else relate or have any comments
29.07.2017
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izzy13
izzy13
Wow! I can relate to this in so many ways. This is the truth! Thank you for sharing this👏
29.07.2017 Нравится Ответить
eryka616
eryka616
Yes lol I wish I could share this to my Facebook 😂😂😂👏 my family is so sick and twisted I hate it. I want my daughter to grow up knowing them but they don't make an effort so why should I? Her dads family always over steps and says rude things to me and I tolerate it but lately I've just gotten fed up. My parents and grandparents are the only ones who make an effort and it's sad but at least she has them you know? And even my mom is always trying to break my rules but she's working on it.
29.07.2017 Нравится Ответить
sarahmartinez817
sarahmartinez817
Right? It's such a common dynamic and I hate it. My family also gets super pissy when you point out that they've crossed a line, so things have been tense lately. It's good to know I'm not the only one, I feel like no one else feels this way.
29.07.2017 Нравится Ответить
vark
vark
@sarahmartinez817 exactly! You get it...I'm also going to teach my son that he doesn't have to hug and kiss family members if he doesn't want to..amongst other things. I feel like it's a common dynamic in families to assume consent. ..
29.07.2017 Нравится Ответить
sarahmartinez817
sarahmartinez817
I understand completely, especially the part about not initiating a relationship in you hadn't been related. That's exactly how I feel about my family. And I was also raised with the mentality of "if you love someone there are no boundaries", and I'm just not ok with that. I've had to be very firm when my family is around my son that he has the option to walk away, he doesn't need to hug or kiss if he doesn't want to. It drives me crazy that the expectation is that because someone loves me they should be able to do whatever they want, that's just not how I'm wired.

Ugh, sorry, that was super long. But you are absolutely not alone!
29.07.2017 Нравится Ответить
vark
vark
@blue_jay1418 yea, it's difficult because I want them to be able to make decisions about my son when I'm not there, but if I specifically say don't do something and they do it anyway they are disrespecting me and that won't be tolerated. It's frustrating because my mil is the same and so is my sister. I have to check them a lot and sometimes they get offended after all the intention is to care for my son, I'm not mad at that part, I'm mad that they do little things to try and cross lines that I have set
29.07.2017 Нравится Ответить
blue_jay1418
blue_jay1418
Omg 😲 yes never knew anyone else felt this I don't have kids of my own just my step daughter and my family thinks of her as their own and they do stuff like this all the time
29.07.2017 Нравится Ответить
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