My whole life I have been relying on my own strength. I didn't know what it felt like to be completely vulnerable. I have a stubborn, prideful heart. I grew up in a religion that taught me to try to get by through my works.

Motherhood is such a hard job, I began feeling like a failure, because I could not live up to perfection. Until this past weekend, when God laid on my heart that he died for me - not because of any works of mine, but because I am ungodly. He knew we were not perfect when he died for us. We do not have to earn his love. Only to receive it. And I feel so comforted.

For years - my entire life - I have felt the need to rise up to earn it. Only to never reach what i though was good enough. Because we are sinful people.

I felt guilty calling myself a Christian - thinking I hadn't yet earned it. I thought perhaps I should wait until I had stronger belief. But God knew we had shaky belief when he died for us. He didn't die for any perfection of our belief. He died for us because we are imperfect.

I had this revelation through God's grace over the weekend. He died for me, ungodly as I am, and all I need do is accept His sacrifice.

I have been missing so much. Thank you God, for melting my heart of steel.