Been in such a weird mood lately.. I feel lost and confused. I don't have anyone to talk to about it…

Been in such a weird mood lately.. I feel lost and confused. I don't have anyone to talk to about it really.. so I will just vent here for now.

My boyfriend and I have been dating for a year now. It's been mostly awesome. Our main issue is money and kids. I feel those 2 things make or break your relationship and to me it's breaking ours. Together we bring it alot of money. I don't work right now but I get child support that helps towards bills and my own kids needs.. which is what it's for.... But I don't have spending money usually for anything other that that which is fine. I am okay with that.. but I had an idea of maybe starting to work or go back to school to finish what I wanna do. But, I get made to feel guilty about it. In the end I will do what I want... But it still sucks with lack of support. He tells me he supports my decision but uh I Kno you? You hate the idea.. not because you'd miss me or anything... But because you are simply insecure. He thinks I'll cheat on him or leave him.. and I'm like honestly if I wanted to even cheat or leave you I would not need a damn job to do it. 😒 Blah!! The kids are our WORST issue. We are divided on the raising kids thing. We do stuff slightly different which is fine. But it ends up with me feeling attacked as a mother. My oldest son has an issue with butt digging and some other weird issues we are dealing with.. and anything his kids do wrong.. his comeback is always always always.. "at least they don't dig in their butt" 😒 fucking really? Ugh. I could go on. And as a mother I always take up for my son. Even if he is in the wrong... Or does gross ass shit. It's not an excuse for YOUR child to misbehave and get away with the rules we have set in place EQUALLY for all 6 kids. Well at least treat them all equal and he doesn't. Blah. It's making me come to my breaking point really. I just want it to stop.. we don't agree. Ive tried talking it out and stuff but it always ends the same. I'm so tired of it I'm at my wit's end. I am not one to just run off and leave because of some bickering or disagreeing but raising kids is a big deal and how they're raised is important. I just feel like the bad is outweighing the good now. Which sucks... I love him and he treats me well he treats the boys well.. but we are completely on diff ends when it comes to parenting.. :(