Hello, I'm new to this site and I was wondering if anybody has any advice on how to discipline a 13yr old boy? I know…

Welcome to the app

@erinflaherty818 has teens. Maybe she can offer advice

@mom.life_usa, I certainly can!

I have a lippy 13 year old girl ands not-so-lippy-yet-challenging 14 year old boy. On top of that, 17 years of teaching kids in the 5th-8th age bracket. Can you be more specific? Every behavior has a function and a trigger. It's hard to correct the behavior if the function/trigger isn't addressed.

Hang in there @jayfurbie, I have an 11 y.o. Tweenager - it's definitely a challenge some days!

I have a 15 year old and a 12 year old. One thing that works for us is finding their currency -the things that matter most to them, and using those to help manage their behavior. We are super clear about the rules (my 12yr old is the lippy one) and he knows that being disrespectful is a sure fire way to lose his phone. And I'm always consistent with it. That way he knows what to expect. He has gotten so much better in the last year, and part of that is maturity, but also us sort of also learning to anticipate what is going to cause him to have an issue. Like Erin said, he has triggers (tired, hungry, upset about something at school, feeling left out, etc) that are personal to him and when I can avoid those or anticipate them and help him work through them all of his behavior is better.

@erinflaherty818, he's very aggressive in behavior if he doesn't get his own way. Honestly, he reminds me of when he was three!😱we've tried grounding and taking away his phone, Xbox and Xbox live! Nothing seems to work☹️he has practically no respect for his dad but definitely seems to respect me a lot more! I'm a stay-at-home Mom so I can understand why he would have more respect for me bc we are around each other a lot. He's a good kid, he really is, we are just going through a super rough patch and it's completely making the house stressed out 😥

I definitely agree with @thedudemom, as far as super clear expectations, consistent consequences, but also rewards, and also it's going to be very important that you and his father remain calm and firm. Sometimes, these sorts of behaviors require more structure with very little wiggle room for awhile and it'll sort of hit a reset button. But if he's aggressive in an attempt to get his own way, wait for a calm time and have a conversation with him...behaviors are all about avoiding something or gaining something...when you sit down and talk, ask questions and encourage him to answer thoughtfully....For example: in a perfect world, what would your day/life be like? What don't you like? Why? Tell me more...what does respect look like to you? Explain to him that you're trying to understand and help. He will likely appreciate the time you're taking, especially if it's attention he is seeking. Also, consider turning tables...instead of "If you do XYZ I'm taking your games" try..."Here are some ways you can earn screen time with your games..." and give him options and expectations...This will allow him opportunity to show off all that is good and wonderful about him. Keep it simple so that he is successful with earning time right away...thank you, please, a compliment, clearing his dishes, etc....whatever it is you want from him. I hope that helps. Let me know how it goes. Oh yeah....and expect it to get worse before it gets better...a change in structure or way of doing things is a bumpy ride.

Thanks sooo much for the advice!