Okay, so I just wanted to ask opinions on this! I can't post on Facebook because my mom is on there.…

Tell her you'd like her to not smoke in the house a week prior to the visit. It is very serious to you and it sounds like she wants to be a better grandmother then she was a mother so I think she may understand a little more than you're expecting (I hope) my daughters dads mom would smoke out her window of her room and my baby started wheezing. I flipped. Now wheezing is on her medical history but it was the smoke! Because I made her stop immediately and we never dealt with that again!

I'm hoping she will :/ I haven't mentioned it yet, I was going to wait until after she was born to avoid any conflict. She smokes like a lot though. I honestly don't think it would help the house any if she didn't smoke in it for a week. It's to that point where, if no one is in the house smoking, you can still smell it. It's literally soaked into everything. I don't want her to think I'm trying to keep her from seeing my daughter, I just don't know how she's going to take it

@annaerandolph, I really don't think you're overreacting... my husband smokes (never in our house or around our kids) but he washes his hands multiple times when he comes in from smoking & stays clear of our kids for 15+ minutes. We also have a friend who smokes & is expecting a new baby & the OB told him he needed to wash his hands & face & change his clothes anytime he goes out to smoke before handling their LO. Personally, I think that is a bit excessive but that's my personal opinion.

I know you have worked hard at building a relationship with your mom but I would maybe sit her down & just explain that you are in no way trying to be hurtful or judge mental but that you have concerns & would like to talk to her about them. She doesn't have to agree with your stance, but I honestly think it is going to be how you go about telling her that this is a concern of yours. If you're respectful & loving that can be a lot easier than just saying no, we won't be coming to your house at all because you smoke. Hope this helps...

Actually there are many facts you can find online, about cigarette smoke and infants... we had a preemie, so we were given a TON of information on it! When my mom (who also smokes) visits, I required that she tie her hair back, change her shirt and wash her hands before she could hold my daughter... it's not worth the health risks! Just show her the facts and ask that if she wants you to visit her, that she adhere to the guidelines about smoking... who knows, she might surprise you and start smoking outside! My mom won't let anyone smoke in her house anymore... she even goes outside because she wants her home to be a safe place for her grandkids

@taylor0337 @dreamermom, yes I don't know about the changing clothes. But I have read where there is the "third-hand smoke", where the residue can get in the baby's ears/nose and cause colds or infections. My mom's a very sensitive person like me, but sometimes she tries to act like a victim when I'm not even doing anything but speaking my opinion. So I am planning to just sit down and try to be as nice as I can about it, because I would love for her to be in my daughter's life. It's just going to be hard if she acts like I'm attacking her like she sometimes does

@annaerandolph, this may sound silly but write her a letter. It gives you the opportunity to really say how you feel but it will give her the opportunity to read it without feeling pressured to give a response. Plus it will allow for her to think about how she feels. And I would just give it to her to read & explain that you wanted to take a moment to share some things with her... maybe explain in the letter that it is important that she is in your daughter's life & that you don't want this to take away from her relationship but that it is a very real concern for you.

@taylor0337, that's a really good idea. I actually did that with my husband when we were still dating. I can't get out all of what I'm trying to say if I'm talking bc I get all tongue tied and nervous. I might just do that. I'd either have to mail it to her since she lives 5 hours away or wait until I see her next and give it to her.

The chemicals left behind on clothes and skin can be considered second hand smoke and isn't good for babies. My sister & I have a bad relationship for a plethora of reasons, and she's a heavy smoker. I won't let her touch my son if I smell cigarettes on her at all. She has to be wearing clean clothes and wash her hands multiple times. Once I explained it to her, and told my mom who supervises the visits (long story), so she makes sure my sister follows my rules

@lizibear84, yes I'm going to try to explain that to her in the nicest way I can. She'll still tell people, "Oh well I smoked with both of my kids and they turned out fine." Like.... okay? Lol that doesn't always happen. I know smoking during pregnancy doesn't always harm the baby but I've read where being around cigarette smoke as a child can cause the child to have asthma/allergies etc. And I have terrible allergies, so that might be why

I love this app!!! lol I was wondering if I'd see you on here @mcrowell0970. I really hope my mom reacts that way. And thank you so much @kitcatmeow8383!!!! I hope this all works out better than I'm thinking in my mind.