I didn't want baby #2 yet. it really was too soon. whatever happens, happens. if I have a…

I didn't want baby #2 yet. it really was too soon. whatever happens, happens. if I have a miscarriage, I'll be OK with it. life isn't getting better if I have another one to take care of. I really need to take care of myself rather than wait for my husband to do it. cause at this rate, he doesn't. double standards is when his sister tells him that I NEED to grow up. but they don't know who he talks to and how he cheated on me and still act like I'm the bad one?! no, that's wrong. your just hearing what he has to say, not me because that is your bother. he's not perfect NOR AM I!!!! THAT'S really what's bothering me. do I make him happy? he says yes. but how am I doing that when you speak to other women? JESUS THE FUXK AM I DOING WRONG!!!!! I HAVE DONE ABSOLUTELY NOTHING! I WANT to scream and cry and smack the hell out of his face! I hate being bipolar because of hormones but shit. what meaning does my life have to him besides our son? I think I'm on the brink of just leaving when we do get better. (and I have been going back and forth on this feeling all night, I can't sleep. I don't want to sleep next to him and things are already a struggle. ) Jesus I need help and sleep