I often think how much I would love to go to 40 weeks and have another vaginal birth without…

I often think how much I would love to go to 40 weeks and have another vaginal birth without epidural whenever I get pregnant again. But I know that will never happen 😞 and it breaks my heart. I gave birth to my son at 37w5d, but he was almost born at 33w. I had to spend almost a week in the hospital, and multiple other trips until he was finally born. They could never stop the contractions (irritable uterus) which meant I was 2cm and 80% effaced at 33 weeks. The rest of my pregnancy I was so limited in what I could do and where I could go. I never got to have a maternity photo shoot or baby moon. When I finally gave birth, I tore completely and my son got stuck (shoulder dystocia). For those two reasons I was told "no good doctor will allow a vaginal birth". I know a c section would be safest for any future children and prevent anymore permanent damage to me. But it's so hard and at times I consider never having more children.