Here's the truth ladies. PPD is ugly. I had it for the first month after I had my baby. It still…

Here's the truth ladies.

PPD is ugly. I had it for the first month after I had my baby. It still comes every now and then.

But I'd wake up and think, "Why did I have a baby?" I'd look at my son and sometimes I felt so disconnected to him. I didn't want a baby anymore. I wanted to be able to go out and not worry about not having enough formula or diapers or wipes. I wanted to sleep until I felt like it. I wanted to be a regular high school teenager. Just hanging out with friends. Going to parties. I wanted my old life back.

And then one day I found my baby's swaddle had managed to cover his face. He was kicking around, gasping for air. I quickly grabbed it off and picked him up and held him close. I could have lost him that day. I could've lost the little blessing who moved in my belly. The little blessing who I gave kisses too and he would quickly get annoyed. My little baby. Who I loved so dearly. I could have lost it. And I'm that moment it clicked. This is where God wanted me. Not a parties. Not drinking. I was supposed to be here. With my son. And I'm not saying everything went uphill from there. I struggled to get where I am today and I still have to improve.

I just wanted to share that, we all feel this. No matter how hard it is to admit. I know I look back and think, how could I not want my baby?? I kick myself in the ass for it. But I overcame it. Just as you will. It's tough and you'll fall. But that's just a part of it all.